Coffee for your heart

Oct222014

Justice in every way

images-1Tim and I were invited to join the Vineyard Justice Conference in Anaheim last week. What an amazing experience. Our hearts beat for certain things and it came together so well during the conference and the people we met. I am still not sure how these certain things will play out in our life but God is certainly painting a picture.
 
I have written before how we desire to not live for ourselves. How we want to look around and care; with our time, our finances and choices. And as God is painting the how in our life, I was challenged last week.
 
We were given a coach during the conference. Someone we met with each day. Our coach Rose Swetman spoke about having an eye for the personal, the local, and the global needs in God’s Kingdom.
 
3 circlesI think Tim and I have the personal aspect down pretty well. We serve one another first and fore most, before serving anyone or anything else. We have an eye for our neighbor and often reach out, even in the littlest, but oh so important, of ways. We want to be of service to our church community and have started that conversation with our church and beautiful things are unfolding. The global aspect is a clear one to most of the people around us. It is very clear we desire to serve globally and want to have an impact in the lives of people who have little in the developing world.
 
At times I feel I have not enough time to do what I want to do in those areas, so when I was challenged to talk about how we seek to live for others locally, I drew a blank. This is the piece I have been wondering about… am I to serve locally when I am already short on time and doing so much? We still have to work hard to get food on the table as we try to live a life style of service.
 
I am very curious to what picture God is painting with our life. Is He challenging our life style? For if we want to live a life of service and seeing, will the hours in a day really matter? We seek to see and love… and what if all of us cover all three areas: seeing and loving in the personal circle, the local circle and global circle… would God’s painting of the world not look a whole lot different?
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I would certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
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Oct012014

What I do…

Tim was away last week.  Just a few days.  And in the past I would always tell him how I’d miss him.  But not this time.  This time I noticed how happy I was those days alone.  This time I noticed how great it felt to have the bed to myself.  This time I didn’t miss the hugs at night.  It was a nice alone time.  And it reminded me of my single years.  Deciding about schedule and when to eat was so easy.  I just had me to think about.  And it felt like a little break.
 
But I was also worried.  Tim was worried.  Because I have been pulling back little by little.  No more nakedness in bed.  No hugs.  Not my hand on his leg while in the car.  Not me reaching out to touch him, not even after Tim being away for a few days.  It was all different.
 
And I wake up to what is happening.  The intimacy between Tim and me, as husband and wife, goes very deep and my system is going off.  There are too many memories of hurt.  I want to protect myself.  And the way to do that is to get away, physically and now also emotionally.
 
But this is good.  This is very good!  My systems are reaching the surface and I am aware.  This is not a danger to our marriage… it is a red flag about my wounds.
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-2-2And in this new season of healing through Living Waters I reach out to my Heavenly Father.  I experience myself to be little in this.  I am aware that I cannot heal myself and I stick to my Heavenly Father.  I press in, and I wait for healing.  I wait for Him to do His work.  In what way?  I don’t know.  When?  I don’t know.  All I am asked is to keep walking and keep showing up.
 
These days aren’t easy.  We are dealing with trauma.  But I celebrate that we are well.  We both are very committed, we communicate honestly about how this season affects us.  We stay connected and we are one.  Tim loves me so well by being so very patient.  I can tell his commitment.  It may be rough now… but we will write this chapter.  And we will close this chapter.  And write another one…
 
 
I love that you are here, and I would certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
 
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Sep242014

Peace that surpasses understanding

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0842.LThe weather is so perfect, I can’t even feel it.  
Your presence so soft, yet strong.
You invite me to just sit with you.  
I don’t think you have anything in particular in mind. There is nothing specific you want to say.
You just invite me to get away from routine, and be…
It’s empty, it’s still, yet there is nothing wrong with this emptyness.
And I surrender.
As I wonder about things, as I am consumed by things, I surrender.
I find rest in You because You have it all.
There are big decisions to be made, there are big things to happen when I do not see anything happening yet,
and I do not need to be anxious.
There is peace and confidence in You.  Peace that surpasses understanding.
 
 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERY SITUATION, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6~7
 
 
Tim and I have suffered loss the past months.  Where we see marriages fail over this, we carry a peace we are grateful for, but do not comprehend. It is God. We are presented with some big life decisions, decisions that I feel are too big for me to make.  And I let go completely, being not invested in the outcome because it really doesn’t matter, God has it all.  
 
Today I’d like to encourage you to sit with God until you grasp that peace that surpasses all understanding.  I am not kidding when I say Tim and I are dealing with big stuff.  Stuff that has hurt and yet… we ARE VERY WELL.  We can only be well in these overwhelming circumstances because God is God!  So whatever you are dealing with, whatever is on your plate, God invites you to come sit with Him… He can give you peace!!
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug272014

Help me see morning glory…

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0850.L
 
It is a beautiful morning.
It is 7 o’clock and I sit outside.
 
The mornings are turning crisp,
trees are turning orange,
but the sounds remain the same.
 
A bird flying and hitting the top of a very tall tree,
the sun is still busy rising,
the grass sparkles from the dew.
The morning quietness touches my soul.
 
A red bird lands in front of me on the fence,
I’m wrapped in a blanket so the crisp doesn’t get me,
the red bird hops in the grass now.
 
The breakfast table is set,
after food for the soul comes food for the body.
 
Father in Heaven, help me see,
each morning again…
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
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Aug202014

My plate

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-FullPlate-0826So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?
 
I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?
 
And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9
 
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
 
I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.
 
My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.
 
So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…
 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 
My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug062014

A discipline

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0700This morning I really need my time with God.  I slept little last night.  My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard.  I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright.  The day feels like a task.  There is no joy.  
 
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.)  There was an entire month I was without sleep.  Lately I get some hours here and there.  Ever been without sleep?  Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
 
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance).  The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings.  I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep.  That is why I went to the computer in the first place.  It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God.  But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline.  If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.   
 
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.“
 
It really does!  But it really is very important.  I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter.  I have taken melatonin.  I exercise.  I eat healthy.  I take other supplements.  I get counsel if I need it.  I pray.  Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before.  I sit with God.  I plead with God.  And there is nothing more I can do.  I rest my case.  And it brings me to God.  Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life.  Apparently it is not up to me to do so.  It is time to sit with God.  Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do.  And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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