My plate

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-FullPlate-0826So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?
I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?
And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.
My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.
So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.
My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !

11 comments on “My plate

  1. Faith

    And Maddy, I have discovered that I have to keep learning the same lessons from God over and over,–but the second time around, the lesson goes even deeper, drawing me closer to Him. I am so proud of you and how far you have come in regards to your abuse. And you will”rise up on wings of an eagle” far above the problems of this world and past life. That is where God will take you. Keep looking to HIM.

  2. Valerie Sisco at Grace with Silk

    I love your thought process in this post! God can use the painful things in our lives for his purposes as we find our hope in him. He’s always faithful. Thank you for sharing this – – and I think the food on your plate looks inviting!

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Thank you Valerie. And I can only hope that people will also be attracted to the food on my plate that doesn’t seem so inviting at first glance… Beauty out of ashes…

  3. Linda@Creekside

    What a gorgeous site … a feast for eyes and heart.

    May your writing bring you healing, Maddy … it’s truly good to meet you!

  4. Candace

    Sharing your story and giving God glory as you have so beautifully done here will continue to bring you healing. It is tough having such trauma in your past, sometimes it’s incredibly difficult to leave it behind. Our plates are full, but God will use it all for His good. Blessings to you!

  5. poetry joy

    Maddy, I hear your story and feel the impact of it because we share a similar history and the gradual, painful overcoming of it. I know the way it can affect a marriage and take much time to work through together as a couple. You write so well about how God leads step by tiny step to heal those broken places long devastated. May He continue to pour out grace upon grace and bring you deeper into a place of joy and freedom. Blessings of peace and rest to you as you lean on the One who helps us lift our heads and rise high again. 🙂 x

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Dear Joy, this is very encouraging. Hearing from someone who gets it!!

  6. sarahgirl3

    I love your perspective on good and bad. Really none of us know which is which and that is where our faith comes in.
    Keep being real and honest. You are affecting more lives than you know!

  7. chinamom3078

    Entrusting your self to God, the Faithtful Creator is not always easy but is the bestest thing to do. “Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” 1 Peter 4:19 (the concluding verse of passage 11 – 19.) There is hope there.