Hope

Apr092015

WOW is all I can say

It is really really too bad that we cannot post any pictures because some very precious moments took place in our home last week.  Picture our boy, the one who locks himself in his room for days on end, setting up a little dining table IN A DOORWAY. Tim on the one side of this doorway, working in the office.  Me on the other side of the doorway, working in the kitchen.  And our boy in the middle, eating his food.  It portrays our boy’s heart… That day, and more and more, he just wanted to be close to us.  He was talking, cracking jokes, being a lot of fun, very happy and sitting in the middle of two rooms, in our presence. When we offered to take him to a friend’s house (since it was Spring Break) he replied: “No, thank you.  I just want to be home.”

WOW is all I can say!  Love may be painful, but it is totally worth it.  Love prevails, Love overcomes, Love wins.  What happens in our home is living proof of that.

 

 

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Oct012014

What I do…

Tim was away last week.  Just a few days.  And in the past I would always tell him how I’d miss him.  But not this time.  This time I noticed how happy I was those days alone.  This time I noticed how great it felt to have the bed to myself.  This time I didn’t miss the hugs at night.  It was a nice alone time.  And it reminded me of my single years.  Deciding about schedule and when to eat was so easy.  I just had me to think about.  And it felt like a little break.
 
But I was also worried.  Tim was worried.  Because I have been pulling back little by little.  No more nakedness in bed.  No hugs.  Not my hand on his leg while in the car.  Not me reaching out to touch him, not even after Tim being away for a few days.  It was all different.
 
And I wake up to what is happening.  The intimacy between Tim and me, as husband and wife, goes very deep and my system is going off.  There are too many memories of hurt.  I want to protect myself.  And the way to do that is to get away, physically and now also emotionally.
 
But this is good.  This is very good!  My systems are reaching the surface and I am aware.  This is not a danger to our marriage… it is a red flag about my wounds.
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-2-2And in this new season of healing through Living Waters I reach out to my Heavenly Father.  I experience myself to be little in this.  I am aware that I cannot heal myself and I stick to my Heavenly Father.  I press in, and I wait for healing.  I wait for Him to do His work.  In what way?  I don’t know.  When?  I don’t know.  All I am asked is to keep walking and keep showing up.
 
These days aren’t easy.  We are dealing with trauma.  But I celebrate that we are well.  We both are very committed, we communicate honestly about how this season affects us.  We stay connected and we are one.  Tim loves me so well by being so very patient.  I can tell his commitment.  It may be rough now… but we will write this chapter.  And we will close this chapter.  And write another one…
 
 
I love that you are here, and I would certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
 
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Aug202014

My plate

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-FullPlate-0826So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?
 
I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?
 
And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9
 
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
 
I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.
 
My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.
 
So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…
 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 
My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug132014

You Do!

MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-20140807_0797My Father woke me up this morning with a thought… ” I can not make anything happen. “
 
I try in life.  I see a lack or malfunction and I try to fix it.  I feel I always have a responsibility.  Even though I have a powerful and loving God, I feel there is always a part I have to play.   I cannot just sit around and wait for things to happen.
 
So I try to fix the health issues I have.  I try to find the glitch to why I am not sleeping and I try to find a ‘cure’.  I approach people to see if they could be a potential friend.  I see the lack… and I do what I can.  
 
I am reminded of meeting Tim.  For the longest time I feared men.  I wasn’t going on dates, didn’t even talk with guys… how on earth would I go from that to getting married?  It took lots of effort on my end.  I sought out healing, I took this singles course in church and I read this book.  By the time Tim and I met, I was ready!  I did my part.  
 
But lately I have had the thought that I can actually not make anything happen.  I am reminded of meeting Melissa.  I had just become a Christian and did not have one single Christian friend.  God had me sit next to Melissa in church one morning and we hit it off.  I didn’t even know I had the need.  It was God’s doing. God provided. 
Again I think of meeting Tim.  All though I got ready for him, there is no way I could have made us meet.  I could not have picked out the right husband.  One unexpected church morning, visiting church in the US, we ended up sitting next to one another and we hit it off.  It was that simple and so very God appointed.  
 
Tim and I visit house after house, apartment after apartment to find the right place near church and community.  We feel a deep desire to move.  It takes a lot of energy and it is very discouraging.  We were both reminded that we do our part, but in the end it is God who has a home already picked out for us.  It is God who has the finances lined up.  It is God who has picked out the people we are supposed to live next to and love.
 
And so today when I lack… I will probably try to make things happens.  I will play my part but it is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that we ourselves do not make things happen.  Nor do we want to I think.  It is so much better when we wait and let God unfold our story.  God reminded me: ” You Do ! “
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Jul292014

Until they meet again

Joy comes in the morningIt may be clear to you now… God is doing a deep thing in me.  Yes there is hurt but only for the soul purpose of coming out on the better side.  Yesterday a portion of hurt was added to my life.  It is interesting how one can hurt so badly, yet be very aware of God’s work and His grace.  
 
Yesterday I knew I needed to hurt and feel every emotion that rose to the occasion.  There was anger, disappointment, sadness, grief.  But I also knew I would wake up in the morning and Hope would join me. Throughout the day yesterday there was never just one emotion.  There wasn’t just the pain.  No, I could clearly see my blessings and celebrate them.  That is such a neat experience.  And that is God’s grace!  
 
There is something very beautiful to letting yourself go ‘there’.  To not be afraid of pain.  At times, it really is good to just be there.  Period.  I have had people tell me to not dwell on the past.  When I have hurt, I have had people step in and tell me all the good things that lay ahead.  Apart from the pain, I just don’t understand why people are so afraid of it.  Why is there such a need to get away from it as soon as possible?  Do people not know there is beauty in pain?  That there is beauty in ashes?
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0730Because it is in that pain that God can do amazing things.  It is in that pain that God can show that He truly is God and good. It is in pain that God has a way of showing Himself.  It is in pain we can show God we truly believe and follow.  In pain there is true worship.
 
And so today I am reminded to let His love seep into the inner recesses of my being.  To not close off any part of myself from Him.  He knows me inside and out, so I will not try to present a ‘cleaned-up’ version of myself to Him.  Wounds that I shut away from the Light of His love will fester and become wormy.  So I open myself fully to His transforming Presence.
~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~
 
And as I hurt God tells me: ” Come to me continually.  I am meant to be the Center of your consciousness, the Anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from Me, but the question is how far you allow it to wonder.”  ~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~  This tells me it is okay to hurt… it is okay to go there.  But as I do this, I should not shut out God’s truth.  There is never just pain.
 
 
Isaiah 55:8-9 
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE ! 
 
 
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Jul272014

My cry and His answer

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0665Father, hold my hand
               stroke my head
                     kiss my cheek

 

I have been deprived peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is.  So I say “my splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”  Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him.  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seek Him, it is good to wait quietly.
Let Him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him.  Let him bury his face in the dust, there may yet be hope.  For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Thought he brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.  For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children on men.  It is not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?
~ Lamentations 3 ~

 

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0658Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven.  This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.  I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand.  But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me.  Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road.  You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven.  When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant.  I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven.
~ From the daily devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young ~

 

 

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

 

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