Healing

Apr092015

WOW is all I can say

It is really really too bad that we cannot post any pictures because some very precious moments took place in our home last week.  Picture our boy, the one who locks himself in his room for days on end, setting up a little dining table IN A DOORWAY. Tim on the one side of this doorway, working in the office.  Me on the other side of the doorway, working in the kitchen.  And our boy in the middle, eating his food.  It portrays our boy’s heart… That day, and more and more, he just wanted to be close to us.  He was talking, cracking jokes, being a lot of fun, very happy and sitting in the middle of two rooms, in our presence. When we offered to take him to a friend’s house (since it was Spring Break) he replied: “No, thank you.  I just want to be home.”

WOW is all I can say!  Love may be painful, but it is totally worth it.  Love prevails, Love overcomes, Love wins.  What happens in our home is living proof of that.

 

 

I love that you are here and I would certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

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Oct032014

5 Minute Friday… New

Writing under pressure… It is very simple, on Thursday evening a word prompt is shared by Kate and on Friday we give ourselves 5 minutes to write.
5 minutes!!  And without a grammar check or editing we post whatever came to our creative minds…
 
This week’s word is NEW…
 
Ready… Set… Go…
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-3987.LThis week Jesus met me at the cross, in a new way.  Very unexpectedly.  Sure my Father had been telling me He was doing a new thing.  I was to enter into a new season of healing of which He has been showing me, is going to be different from all other seasons of healing I went through.  It is going to be deeper and it is not by my doing.  My Father has told me to walk and just show up…
 
I went to church Tuesday evening, to show up… Jesus had a plan for me.  I will spare you the details for now but Jesus took me personally to the cross.  
 
When Jesus hung at the cross and seemed to have died, people wanted to be sure.  And so they took a spear and poked it right into his side.  He didn’t budge and they knew He was ‘gone’.  
 
When I was crying out all my wounds on Tuesday: father wounds, rejection wounds, incest wounds, you name it wounds… I finally landed at mother wounds.  I have never really thought about me having mother wounds because wasn’t it my dad who abused me?  And God showed me that I had wounds way before I was ever abused, mother wounds.  At some point I was asked where Jesus was when I was being abused.  And I said: “He just stood there.  He did nothing!” and I sobbed.  My hands were pulled out in front of me by the pastor… would I fill my hands with my mother wounds, with my rejection wounds?  Would I walk to the cross and stick it right into Jesus’ bleeding heart?  Right there, where it belongs.  Right there… that is why Jesus died.  For my wounds, my aches, my hurts.  I am not alone.  He has felt it all.  He knows.  And right there, He shows me He never ‘just stood there and did nothing’.  THIS is what He is doing at the cross.  And I understood.  I felt it.  And I will never look the same at the cross.  Jesus took me to the cross and let me feel it.  My Heavenly Father, although it looked horrible, loved on me in a very sweet way.  
 
STOP!
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE ?
 
 
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Oct012014

What I do…

Tim was away last week.  Just a few days.  And in the past I would always tell him how I’d miss him.  But not this time.  This time I noticed how happy I was those days alone.  This time I noticed how great it felt to have the bed to myself.  This time I didn’t miss the hugs at night.  It was a nice alone time.  And it reminded me of my single years.  Deciding about schedule and when to eat was so easy.  I just had me to think about.  And it felt like a little break.
 
But I was also worried.  Tim was worried.  Because I have been pulling back little by little.  No more nakedness in bed.  No hugs.  Not my hand on his leg while in the car.  Not me reaching out to touch him, not even after Tim being away for a few days.  It was all different.
 
And I wake up to what is happening.  The intimacy between Tim and me, as husband and wife, goes very deep and my system is going off.  There are too many memories of hurt.  I want to protect myself.  And the way to do that is to get away, physically and now also emotionally.
 
But this is good.  This is very good!  My systems are reaching the surface and I am aware.  This is not a danger to our marriage… it is a red flag about my wounds.
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-2-2And in this new season of healing through Living Waters I reach out to my Heavenly Father.  I experience myself to be little in this.  I am aware that I cannot heal myself and I stick to my Heavenly Father.  I press in, and I wait for healing.  I wait for Him to do His work.  In what way?  I don’t know.  When?  I don’t know.  All I am asked is to keep walking and keep showing up.
 
These days aren’t easy.  We are dealing with trauma.  But I celebrate that we are well.  We both are very committed, we communicate honestly about how this season affects us.  We stay connected and we are one.  Tim loves me so well by being so very patient.  I can tell his commitment.  It may be rough now… but we will write this chapter.  And we will close this chapter.  And write another one…
 
 
I love that you are here, and I would certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
 
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Aug222014

5 Minute Friday… Change

I have seen it every where, read about it a lot but never participated.  Writing under pressure… for some reason I think it’s time.
 
It is very simple, on Thursday evening a word prompt is shared by Kate and on Friday we give ourselves 5 minutes to write.
5 minutes!!  And without a grammar check or editing we post whatever came to our creative minds…
 
This week’s word is CHANGE…
 
MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-0787This morning Tim reminded me that in the past, when change was at hand, life would always shut down for me.  Change equals healing here. And he is right, my healing has always been so intense that it would be what I focused on.  I would give it my all and yes, often I was not able to do life because I went so deep.  
 
I always expected my past to come up once I would be married, in ways that I wasn’t triggered before.  Marriage comes with commitment, with marriage comes intimacy, and not just sexual intimacy, and I was sure it would stir up certain memories, aches and fears.  And that is exactly what has been happening.  And I am glad, glad that it doesn’t stop there. God has more wholeness for me, more healing and He is bringing me to a beautiful place.  A place where I will want to shout out more for His glory, because of His healing work in me.
 
Healing is something I still seek after.  It is why I have another season of healing ahead of me.  I am going to do a 4 month ‘program’ called Living Waters.  But Tim said something very important now… change does not have to shut down life.  If anything change means moving towards something.  And I find relief… the coming months I can do life, I can be married, I can have intimacy, I can be joy as I heal.  I embrace this change.  And maybe, maybe change won’t hurt as much this time. Maybe even the way I change has changed!
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
 
 
 
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