5 Minute Friday… Whisper

Writing under pressure… It is very simple, on Thursday evening a word prompt is shared by Kate and on Friday we give ourselves 5 minutes to write.
5 minutes!!  And without a grammar check or editing we post whatever came to our creative minds…
 
This week’s word is WHISPER…
 
Ready… Set… Go…
 
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-2173.LLast week I spend my week with a very special crowd.  And some in this special crowd are having to go through life having to whisper about who they are.  They can’t be themselves in public and they cannot stand for what they believe.
 
Oh how painful if I couldn’t say the things that I want to say.  Without speaking the things that just need to come out, I would not get the chance to be who I truly am.
 
And I stand still and feel very blessed.  I may need to learn to bite my tong every now and then 😉 ,  but I am full of ideas and I am quick to speak my mind.  The other side to being able to speak out loud and not having to whisper is that although speaking about my past is not easy for everyone around me, I need it.  By speaking out loud healing came my way.  No more secrets, no more lies and finally being honest with myself and what happened to me and how it has made me feel.  And today I no longer just speak because it is good for me, I have the desire to speak so hopefully it’ll be good for someone else.
 
But what if you feel you hold a truth and your loved ones do not have that truth and speaking about it causes a serious break between you and your loved one?  What if you got hurt but you are to keep it indoors because that is where private stuff stays?  What if you are exuberant and outgoing but it just doesn’t fit your culture?
 
The very special crowd I was with last week are the Amish.  I have some very very dear Amish friends.  And over the years I have come to know them better and better.  I have come to realize that many of them feel they have to go through life whispering.  The Old Order Amish come with set of rules.  If you believe anything other than what the bishop teaches you are in the wrong.  I have some friends who have stepped away from those rules and awakened to the truth that Jesus sets free.  And talking about it gets them into trouble.
 
I am merely here today to have us think about the opportunity we have.  Unlike some others, we can speak truth without any consequences.  Let’s use our voice to encourage, to build up, to be ourselves and blossom, to do good to those around us.  Plain and simple: No whispering for us.
 
STOP !
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
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5 Minute Friday… Reach

Writing under pressure… It is very simple, on Thursday evening a word prompt is shared by Kate and on Friday we give ourselves 5 minutes to write.
5 minutes!!  And without a grammar check or editing we post whatever came to our creative minds…
 
This week’s word is REACH…
 
Ready… Set… Go…
 
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0994All of a sudden it was gone.  One moment from the next.
Peace was gone.
 
My body was restless, so was my mind.
My face all tense, pressure on my heart, heavy legs, and a headache.
 
I pray.  It doesn’t help.
 
I try to get distraction and turn on a show on our computer.
But I can’t sit still.  I sit up, I lay down, I sit back up.
I get a drink of water.
 
We pray together, it doesn’t help.
I feel awful.  I can’t seem to get a grip.
 
We have found several houses now, finally.  Will we finally move?
I want to control but I can’t.  It is out of my hands.  And I lost peace.
 
My mind racing, my body pounding.  My head getting worse.
 
And that is when I start to reach.  I try to see…
Oh I need to see.
Ann being my inspiration for this.  I grab my journal and start jotting down things I see.
It is hard.  I see nothing.  I only feel… and I am not comfortable.
 
26.  Condensation on the outside of my cold glass of water
27.  Tea pot on a tea light
28.  The green of plants inside our home
29.  Glasses on my nose so I can read
30.  A delicate neckless around my neck
31.  Nightly sounds
 
After jotting down all the way to number 46 I sense it.  Peace is here.
I rest.  My mind rests.  So does my body.
I am not in control.  I don’t want to be in control.
I lay in my husband’s arms and I continue writing down what I see.
 
47.  Husband caressing my leg
48.  A haircut
49.  Peace at my disposal
 
4.14 am  I wake up.  It’s happening again.  Peace is gone.  Anxiousness taking over.  Mind racing.  I am tired.  
After battling for 30 minutes and get up an grab my journal.
If I don’t reach nothing happens.
 
55.  Moon light
56.  A wonderful mattress to sleep on
57.  I see our quilt and I realize I have come to love sewing
58.  White all around me: walls, sheets, quilt
59.  A hot body next to me
60.  The sounds of a sleeping husband
61.  A breeze through the open window
 
And there it is… I have reached and peace finds me once again.
 
 
STOP
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
 
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Help me see morning glory…

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0850.L
 
It is a beautiful morning.
It is 7 o’clock and I sit outside.
 
The mornings are turning crisp,
trees are turning orange,
but the sounds remain the same.
 
A bird flying and hitting the top of a very tall tree,
the sun is still busy rising,
the grass sparkles from the dew.
The morning quietness touches my soul.
 
A red bird lands in front of me on the fence,
I’m wrapped in a blanket so the crisp doesn’t get me,
the red bird hops in the grass now.
 
The breakfast table is set,
after food for the soul comes food for the body.
 
Father in Heaven, help me see,
each morning again…
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
 
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5 Minute Friday… Change

I have seen it every where, read about it a lot but never participated.  Writing under pressure… for some reason I think it’s time.
 
It is very simple, on Thursday evening a word prompt is shared by Kate and on Friday we give ourselves 5 minutes to write.
5 minutes!!  And without a grammar check or editing we post whatever came to our creative minds…
 
This week’s word is CHANGE…
 
MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-0787This morning Tim reminded me that in the past, when change was at hand, life would always shut down for me.  Change equals healing here. And he is right, my healing has always been so intense that it would be what I focused on.  I would give it my all and yes, often I was not able to do life because I went so deep.  
 
I always expected my past to come up once I would be married, in ways that I wasn’t triggered before.  Marriage comes with commitment, with marriage comes intimacy, and not just sexual intimacy, and I was sure it would stir up certain memories, aches and fears.  And that is exactly what has been happening.  And I am glad, glad that it doesn’t stop there. God has more wholeness for me, more healing and He is bringing me to a beautiful place.  A place where I will want to shout out more for His glory, because of His healing work in me.
 
Healing is something I still seek after.  It is why I have another season of healing ahead of me.  I am going to do a 4 month ‘program’ called Living Waters.  But Tim said something very important now… change does not have to shut down life.  If anything change means moving towards something.  And I find relief… the coming months I can do life, I can be married, I can have intimacy, I can be joy as I heal.  I embrace this change.  And maybe, maybe change won’t hurt as much this time. Maybe even the way I change has changed!
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
 
 
 
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My plate

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-FullPlate-0826So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?
 
I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?
 
And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9
 
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
 
I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.
 
My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.
 
So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…
 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 
My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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You Do!

MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-20140807_0797My Father woke me up this morning with a thought… ” I can not make anything happen. “
 
I try in life.  I see a lack or malfunction and I try to fix it.  I feel I always have a responsibility.  Even though I have a powerful and loving God, I feel there is always a part I have to play.   I cannot just sit around and wait for things to happen.
 
So I try to fix the health issues I have.  I try to find the glitch to why I am not sleeping and I try to find a ‘cure’.  I approach people to see if they could be a potential friend.  I see the lack… and I do what I can.  
 
I am reminded of meeting Tim.  For the longest time I feared men.  I wasn’t going on dates, didn’t even talk with guys… how on earth would I go from that to getting married?  It took lots of effort on my end.  I sought out healing, I took this singles course in church and I read this book.  By the time Tim and I met, I was ready!  I did my part.  
 
But lately I have had the thought that I can actually not make anything happen.  I am reminded of meeting Melissa.  I had just become a Christian and did not have one single Christian friend.  God had me sit next to Melissa in church one morning and we hit it off.  I didn’t even know I had the need.  It was God’s doing. God provided. 
Again I think of meeting Tim.  All though I got ready for him, there is no way I could have made us meet.  I could not have picked out the right husband.  One unexpected church morning, visiting church in the US, we ended up sitting next to one another and we hit it off.  It was that simple and so very God appointed.  
 
Tim and I visit house after house, apartment after apartment to find the right place near church and community.  We feel a deep desire to move.  It takes a lot of energy and it is very discouraging.  We were both reminded that we do our part, but in the end it is God who has a home already picked out for us.  It is God who has the finances lined up.  It is God who has picked out the people we are supposed to live next to and love.
 
And so today when I lack… I will probably try to make things happens.  I will play my part but it is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that we ourselves do not make things happen.  Nor do we want to I think.  It is so much better when we wait and let God unfold our story.  God reminded me: ” You Do ! “
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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