So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?

 

I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?

 

And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

 

I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.

 

My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.

 

So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  

And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…

 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   

 

 

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !