sowing – As for me, I will always have Hope

I tell my friends that a few months ago, I became a woman. It’s a funny story really…

I have my reasons… but I never viewed myself as a typical woman. I didn’t want to be a typical woman. I think it’s the sexual abuse in my life that caused me to want to be viewed as strong, independent and definitely not feminine. I always connected better with man than with women. Women could be so difficult. So when Tim called me a ‘typical woman’ during a skype call when we were long distant dating I grabbed a blanket, put it over me and was like: “No, no, no.” I felt so embarrassed. And I was mad. I am not a typical woman! And yet… I knew he was right. And I knew it was time to embrace the fact that really I am a typical woman: a woman who has PMS (badly), who needs a man, who is difficult at times, and who needs girly time with girlfriends.

And just a few months ago I realized I like women things. I like to do things many women like. Read: things that men do not understand, won’t be good at and have no interest in. Sewing!! I picked up sewing!! And I have to be honest, I am a little embarrassed about it. I have to get over this ‘thing’ of not wanting to be womanlike. And so, here I am, spreading the word that really, I am no different than most women, I am one, and I like sowing. I used to view it as boring, I laughed at people who knit and the latest trent crochet, I simply did not understand. But not anymore. I understand now.

My mother in law got me a sewing machine for my birthday this past summer. I jumped for joy even though I had never sat behind one or ever desired to sit behind one. For some reason I was instantly excited. And when I had some empty time coming up in December I knew how to fill that time automatically. I would sew with mom. I knew I wanted to make something very special and since my nieces first birthday was coming up that would be my project: a blanket for Aileena. Mom thought it was a pretty big project as a first project but she let me have it anyways.

I had a blast that day. There is lots to learn (mostly about patience) but I am hooked!! What surprised me is that my mind was empty. I never have an empty mind and this was an awesome find. I can sew and not think about anything!! Wonderful! There are times that I just long to sew, there’s this deep desire. Work schedule is getting in the way for now but soon, very soon… I already have an order for a nursery pillow and matching curtain. I can’t wait…

Thanks to mom who taught me to sew! Who taught me what it is like to be a woman 😉 I am convinced every mother should teach her daughter to sow (and allow her to call in the way hours of the night when she runs into a problem with her sewing machine, again).