Faith

Aug202014

My plate

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-FullPlate-0826So there are things on my plate, things I have categorized as bad, painful, heavy and not fair. Recently I am sensing that God is moving me towards another view.  Because who am I to decide what is good or bad, fair or unfair?  What if God has a bigger picture?  What if, when we live closer with God, the bad doesn’t look as bad anymore.  What if bad is good?
 
I know in the midst of my pain I can’t see any good.  I get angry.  I get tired.  I turn hopeless. And that is such a hard place to be.  Dealing with a past of sexual abuse is hard.  Layers continue to get unraveled and now that I am married, more healing is stirred.  A painful and sometimes hopeless process.  I feel God has loaded my plate with heavy stuff and when heart’s desires went unanswered I turned angry.  Why God, why could this thing not go easy?  Why didn’t you protect me from this pain?  Why did you add this to my already full plate?
 
And then today I was directed to 2 Corinthians 12:9
 
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
 
I think there is more healing in my life BECAUSE I live close with God.  Yes, it is a painful process but I am being made whole again.  And it is in pain that I have amazing understanding of God and His intimate love.  It is in pain when I meet face to face with Jesus, I cannot describe how sweet and powerful that is.  Not to mention how powerful it is for those who watch me up close.  They see Jesus be Jesus.
 
My view on life is changing.  The need to categorize good and bad fades… instead I embrace whatever is on my plate for God is so very good, in all things!  Maybe I am to learn that God is good in my bad.  My bad is never the same when I realize I am loved and His good is with me.  It’s not about bad, it is not about circumstances, it’s about me letting God be God in those circumstances. The goal is not to get away from pain, the goal is to have His power be perfected in pain.
 
So the very painful healing I embrace because of hope, I look ahead and see what life will be like when I am more whole in certain areas in my life.  Joy, openess and excitement have replaced previous heart’s desires.  
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 doesn’t end there, it continues…
 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in hardships, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 
My biggest desire in life is to be of meaning.  God wrote a story and I want to tell.  I can tell because I hurt.  I can hurt because  He is strong.  He is strong because I am weak.   
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug132014

You Do!

MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-20140807_0797My Father woke me up this morning with a thought… ” I can not make anything happen. “
 
I try in life.  I see a lack or malfunction and I try to fix it.  I feel I always have a responsibility.  Even though I have a powerful and loving God, I feel there is always a part I have to play.   I cannot just sit around and wait for things to happen.
 
So I try to fix the health issues I have.  I try to find the glitch to why I am not sleeping and I try to find a ‘cure’.  I approach people to see if they could be a potential friend.  I see the lack… and I do what I can.  
 
I am reminded of meeting Tim.  For the longest time I feared men.  I wasn’t going on dates, didn’t even talk with guys… how on earth would I go from that to getting married?  It took lots of effort on my end.  I sought out healing, I took this singles course in church and I read this book.  By the time Tim and I met, I was ready!  I did my part.  
 
But lately I have had the thought that I can actually not make anything happen.  I am reminded of meeting Melissa.  I had just become a Christian and did not have one single Christian friend.  God had me sit next to Melissa in church one morning and we hit it off.  I didn’t even know I had the need.  It was God’s doing. God provided. 
Again I think of meeting Tim.  All though I got ready for him, there is no way I could have made us meet.  I could not have picked out the right husband.  One unexpected church morning, visiting church in the US, we ended up sitting next to one another and we hit it off.  It was that simple and so very God appointed.  
 
Tim and I visit house after house, apartment after apartment to find the right place near church and community.  We feel a deep desire to move.  It takes a lot of energy and it is very discouraging.  We were both reminded that we do our part, but in the end it is God who has a home already picked out for us.  It is God who has the finances lined up.  It is God who has picked out the people we are supposed to live next to and love.
 
And so today when I lack… I will probably try to make things happens.  I will play my part but it is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that we ourselves do not make things happen.  Nor do we want to I think.  It is so much better when we wait and let God unfold our story.  God reminded me: ” You Do ! “
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug062014

A discipline

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0700This morning I really need my time with God.  I slept little last night.  My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard.  I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright.  The day feels like a task.  There is no joy.  
 
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.)  There was an entire month I was without sleep.  Lately I get some hours here and there.  Ever been without sleep?  Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
 
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance).  The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings.  I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep.  That is why I went to the computer in the first place.  It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God.  But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline.  If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.   
 
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.“
 
It really does!  But it really is very important.  I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter.  I have taken melatonin.  I exercise.  I eat healthy.  I take other supplements.  I get counsel if I need it.  I pray.  Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before.  I sit with God.  I plead with God.  And there is nothing more I can do.  I rest my case.  And it brings me to God.  Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life.  Apparently it is not up to me to do so.  It is time to sit with God.  Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do.  And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Jul292014

Until they meet again

Joy comes in the morningIt may be clear to you now… God is doing a deep thing in me.  Yes there is hurt but only for the soul purpose of coming out on the better side.  Yesterday a portion of hurt was added to my life.  It is interesting how one can hurt so badly, yet be very aware of God’s work and His grace.  
 
Yesterday I knew I needed to hurt and feel every emotion that rose to the occasion.  There was anger, disappointment, sadness, grief.  But I also knew I would wake up in the morning and Hope would join me. Throughout the day yesterday there was never just one emotion.  There wasn’t just the pain.  No, I could clearly see my blessings and celebrate them.  That is such a neat experience.  And that is God’s grace!  
 
There is something very beautiful to letting yourself go ‘there’.  To not be afraid of pain.  At times, it really is good to just be there.  Period.  I have had people tell me to not dwell on the past.  When I have hurt, I have had people step in and tell me all the good things that lay ahead.  Apart from the pain, I just don’t understand why people are so afraid of it.  Why is there such a need to get away from it as soon as possible?  Do people not know there is beauty in pain?  That there is beauty in ashes?
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0730Because it is in that pain that God can do amazing things.  It is in that pain that God can show that He truly is God and good. It is in pain that God has a way of showing Himself.  It is in pain we can show God we truly believe and follow.  In pain there is true worship.
 
And so today I am reminded to let His love seep into the inner recesses of my being.  To not close off any part of myself from Him.  He knows me inside and out, so I will not try to present a ‘cleaned-up’ version of myself to Him.  Wounds that I shut away from the Light of His love will fester and become wormy.  So I open myself fully to His transforming Presence.
~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~
 
And as I hurt God tells me: ” Come to me continually.  I am meant to be the Center of your consciousness, the Anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from Me, but the question is how far you allow it to wonder.”  ~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~  This tells me it is okay to hurt… it is okay to go there.  But as I do this, I should not shut out God’s truth.  There is never just pain.
 
 
Isaiah 55:8-9 
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE ! 
 
 
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Jul272014

My cry and His answer

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0665Father, hold my hand
               stroke my head
                     kiss my cheek

 

I have been deprived peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is.  So I say “my splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”  Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him.  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seek Him, it is good to wait quietly.
Let Him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him.  Let him bury his face in the dust, there may yet be hope.  For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Thought he brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.  For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children on men.  It is not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?
~ Lamentations 3 ~

 

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0658Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven.  This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.  I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand.  But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me.  Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road.  You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven.  When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant.  I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven.
~ From the daily devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young ~

 

 

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

 

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Jul252014

For years…

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0639.LFor years THIS is the day I would arrive in the Philly area.  My yearly house sitting job would start and I was always excited about it.  I remember looking forward to some hot summery weather, finally, for in Holland summer was never a sure thing. I’d have a pool for 3 whole weeks!  I remember looking forward to spending time with my dear friend Melissa.  During the year we’d spend hours and hours on Skype, finally we’d have 3 weeks in person.  I remember looking forward to 3 Sundays in church, church in Holland was never the same.  I couldn’t wait to see deer in the yard when I’d sit down with my coffee for quiet time.  And my annual trip to Amish country and my Amish friends was another highlight.  
 
Today I arrived on my house sitting job.  That has not changed. But that is the only thing that didn’t change.  Instead of an 8 hour flight… it took me 40 minutes to get here today.  And I think back… back to those years where I’d house sit. Always having a great time, but also feeling somewhat alone.  Having my quiet time on the porch and my long walks in the neighborhood talking to God were precious, but I do remember talking to God about feeling alone at times.  Would I ever be here, house sitting, with a husband?  Summer after summer I’d have that ache and I truly wondered if it would ever be given to me.
 
It’s good to look back and remember.  It is good to look back and feel, to feel those emotions of the past for it sure makes today very sweet.  This year I am house sitting for the 2nd year WITH my husband.  Last year we had a blast.  Having a constant flow of friends popping in, sharing dinners and fun in the pool.  I will still have my quiet time on that porch, I will still go on my walks taking to God… but the ache of aloness is replaced with celebration and gratefulness, for I am here with Tim. God has been good and Tim is my true gift.
 
And that is not all there is to celebrate because in 2 days there is another special date.  Two years ago, on July 27th, I arrived in the States to marry my love.  It’s another sweet date that deserves thought and gratefulness.  
 
Maybe I will write about it some other time… but I have struggled with some darkness lately and these special dates are a sweet reminder of God’s faithfulness and loving gifts to me.  God reminds me of the new name He gave me.  There is always Hope, I can always have Hope.  In these dark days God reminds me of His goodness to me, He has never failed.  He reminds me of those house sitting days when I ached.  And He shows me how different life is today.  I am married.  Melissa and I can see one another whenever we’d like and this time I was even around when she had her baby.  The church I loved for those few weeks per year I now call home.  God is good, and although life gets tough and dark… I can have hope that the darkness will come to pass, God will heal and in the mean time I look back and remember… 
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

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