We wonder about it, do we feel different than other moms and dads? We wonder how that blood bond feels, the one we will never have. In our case, in my case, I don’t know what ‘blood’ really feels like but I really do think that that deep connection that comes with a blood bond is missing when it comes to us and our boys. And I feel it on mother’s day. I don’t feel connected to our boys like other moms do to their children, especially the moms who birthed their child. Now don’t get me wrong, I love these boys, but we are doing something that is not natural.
Natural would have been to conceive a child. Natural would have been to birth a son. And without that, it just feels we are doing something different. And there is lack in it. There is gift in birthing your child, a connection that we have to work hard for to get.
I know not many want to address this publicly, like I am not supposed to feel this way. But I do. And there is nothing wrong with it. It is what it is. And if anything… it helps me understand the task these 2 boys have. They are supposed to bond to us new parents. They are supposed to embrace us as their own. They are supposed to love us. They are supposed to let us love them. Something so unnatural, something that, in a way, was not supposed to happen, is happening. They were conceived by different people, and in a perfect world, they’d still be with the ones who wanted and planned for them. And so without my ‘lack’, I don’t think I would ever have been able to understand them and what is been asked of them. In a way it makes us equal.
And in it is gift… a gift that will take us many years to unwrap and discover. And in the mean time, we will love these boys with all we have, because they ARE our own. Given to us by the Almighty Who knew what He was doing. Nothing happened by accident: He chose them, He chose us, He chose to make us into this particular family unit. And bonding might take mighty work, and I might sense something is different about us. We know all things come from God and we can only pray he will perfect His plan for our little unit. And in that my prayer goes like this: “God, anchor us. Anchor us in one another.”
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Coffee for the Heart is a place where we just see ourselves sitting down for coffee and sharing, accept it is on the internet, never the less it is very real. Go HERE for more stories!
HA Lieve Maddy, wat bewonder ik jullie toch, ik laat niet vaak een bericht achter maar lees ze wel hoor. En nu ook pleegouders zijn…bijna uit het niets… Als je alles met je Hemelse Vader bespreekt en bij Hem laat, komt er altijd een uitweg als je het even niet weet, dat weet jij veel beter nog dan ik… ik wens je Gods bovennatuurlijke vrede toe…xxxxxxxx
Stellaaaaah, wat mooi om van jou te horen! Warmt mijn hart. Echt super! Wat zou ik graag een bakkie met je doen. XOX
I always love hearing your heart, sweet girl. What you are doing with these boys is so amazing! I can’t imagine how hard it must be, but it is definitely worth it and I am sure your words here will touch hearts!
Thanks so much for giving us a glimpse of the hard heart-work it takes to love by choice. I have 4 children: three that I gave birth to and one because God brought her and her dad into my life. Sometimes, in the ups and downs of life (they’re all grown, some with grown children of their own) it’s hard work to love no matter how God gives them to us and I think it has been hard for them, at times. In the end, love is always a choice, isn’t it?
Thanks for sharing so honestly. Blessings to you and your boys.
Amen!