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Aug132014

You Do!

MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp-20140807_0797My Father woke me up this morning with a thought… ” I can not make anything happen. “
 
I try in life.  I see a lack or malfunction and I try to fix it.  I feel I always have a responsibility.  Even though I have a powerful and loving God, I feel there is always a part I have to play.   I cannot just sit around and wait for things to happen.
 
So I try to fix the health issues I have.  I try to find the glitch to why I am not sleeping and I try to find a ‘cure’.  I approach people to see if they could be a potential friend.  I see the lack… and I do what I can.  
 
I am reminded of meeting Tim.  For the longest time I feared men.  I wasn’t going on dates, didn’t even talk with guys… how on earth would I go from that to getting married?  It took lots of effort on my end.  I sought out healing, I took this singles course in church and I read this book.  By the time Tim and I met, I was ready!  I did my part.  
 
But lately I have had the thought that I can actually not make anything happen.  I am reminded of meeting Melissa.  I had just become a Christian and did not have one single Christian friend.  God had me sit next to Melissa in church one morning and we hit it off.  I didn’t even know I had the need.  It was God’s doing. God provided. 
Again I think of meeting Tim.  All though I got ready for him, there is no way I could have made us meet.  I could not have picked out the right husband.  One unexpected church morning, visiting church in the US, we ended up sitting next to one another and we hit it off.  It was that simple and so very God appointed.  
 
Tim and I visit house after house, apartment after apartment to find the right place near church and community.  We feel a deep desire to move.  It takes a lot of energy and it is very discouraging.  We were both reminded that we do our part, but in the end it is God who has a home already picked out for us.  It is God who has the finances lined up.  It is God who has picked out the people we are supposed to live next to and love.
 
And so today when I lack… I will probably try to make things happens.  I will play my part but it is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that we ourselves do not make things happen.  Nor do we want to I think.  It is so much better when we wait and let God unfold our story.  God reminded me: ” You Do ! “
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug062014

A discipline

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0700This morning I really need my time with God.  I slept little last night.  My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard.  I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright.  The day feels like a task.  There is no joy.  
 
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.)  There was an entire month I was without sleep.  Lately I get some hours here and there.  Ever been without sleep?  Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
 
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance).  The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings.  I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep.  That is why I went to the computer in the first place.  It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God.  But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline.  If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.   
 
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.“
 
It really does!  But it really is very important.  I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter.  I have taken melatonin.  I exercise.  I eat healthy.  I take other supplements.  I get counsel if I need it.  I pray.  Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before.  I sit with God.  I plead with God.  And there is nothing more I can do.  I rest my case.  And it brings me to God.  Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life.  Apparently it is not up to me to do so.  It is time to sit with God.  Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do.  And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Jan272014

A season with a reason

MaddyChristine Hope Photograpphy-1048.L

Do you have that sometimes, that you know God is doing something, you just don’t know what exactly? Well, I am currently in such a time. I am in a season for a reason. I just don’t know the outcome of this season, I don’t know where I am headed.

I have been struggling with some heart’s desires going unanswered. The one thing I desire most is to have peace. But coming to a place of peace when heart’s desires are involved is not easy. I want to be in a place that it doesn’t matter what happens. I want to be in a place where I trust God and I am okay with whatever happens, knowing that whatever the circumstances, God is present, real and faithful.

Praying for my heart’s desire

versus

Getting my heart in such a state that it has no will of it’s own

God is constantly pointing me to Scriptures that invite me to pray and ask. He is showing me that He will listen when I ask Him for anything in line with His will. And if I know He is listening I can also be sure that He will give me what I ask for (1 John 5:14-15). He tells me to keep on asking and I will be given what I ask for. That I need to keep on looking and I will find. I need to keep on knocking and the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7). He reminds me that if sinful people know how to give good gifts, how much more will He, my Heavenly Father, know to give good gifts to me who asks (Matthew 7:11).

So I am praying… but what I desire most is peace. I want to be okay with where I am now, regardless of my heart’s desire. When I pray for my heart’s desire it seems I run the risk of merely focusing on the things I want, getting restless in the process and getting frustrated and hurt. I don’t want to merely focus on what I want.

I have been doing this Bible study called “Experiencing God”. The study is challenging me to have my heart be in a place where it has no will. That is what I want! That is what I am talking about. I want to be in that place where I trust my Father and just be at peace with my circumstances. But… that balance is not an easy one to find and thus the season.

This is a time of waiting. Thanks to my Spiritual Direction Counselor I learned something that was very new to me. The advent. The advent is a time of waiting, expectant waiting, hopeful waiting. I learned that waiting is not something passive, it is very active. And God uses a time of waiting to draw us close. Desire is something very powerful and beautiful. A lack of fulfillment is an invitation. An invitation to open up to what God has for us. A lack of fulfillment is not just pain, it tells me I am alive for I long. This is where spiritual life comes to life. I can celebrate desiring. I can celebrate waiting, and hoping, and expecting.

I am at the place where I realize the outcome is not important, it is the journey. God is doing important things on this journey… in my heart! I can say that I rejoice in this season. Although it is hard at times, really hard even, today is a day where I find my rest in knowing God has reason for this season and I have the opportunity to draw close to Him. In the end, I believe that’s what this is all about: drawing close to Him, getting to know Him better, being in relationship with Him that changes me, heals me and grows me.

I love that you are here and I certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE!

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