We all know it… the lies we tell ourselves. And at the moment I am going through a bad case of it. Lately I have been very aware when I’d tell myself negative things. I just kept witnessing it… till Thursday. I was out on a walk and said to myself: “Maddy, this is not normal anymore. This is unhealthy. This is wrong and this is not what God would ever tell you. He created you and thinks beautiful and amazing things about you.” And it wasn’t till Friday, when I met with my Spiritual Director again, that I realized I actually have to take action.
I hear lies all day long, in all situations, with all different kinds of people. It is ongoing throughout the day. I remember my therapist years ago tell me that they are not just lies in my head… I am telling myself those things! And so it is up to me to battle this, a battle I don’t have to face alone. Thank God!
I can be hanging out with dear friends and tell myself I do not compare. When people around me have intellectual conversations, I tell myself I am dumb and can’t entertain the conversation. My camera has been living more in the camera bag than in my hands because I tell myself I am really bad at taking photos. When friends do not call me it is a confirmation that I really do not matter. When I set a much needed boundary for myself I tell myself I am a selfish person. When I get excited I tell myself I am too loud, too present and no one likes that about me. I constantly tell myself I am not a good wife, I don’t love my husband well and life for him is harder with me in it. I can go on and on. It’s bad!
This is not an easy thing to battle, it’s also not done overnight. I have battled those things previously in my life and I am sad they are back. One thing I know, the enemy has a grip on me.
God was good last week as I tried to sit with Him and have a sweet time. He said some things:
“ MaddyChristine, I have given you worth. See, it’s that simple, you have worth because I created you. You have worth because I created you in a very specific way. When I look at you, I am filled with joy. I delight in you and I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I love you as you are. Before I formed you, I knew you (Jeremiah 1:5). I wove you in your mother’s womb, you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139: 13-14). My works are wonderful Maddy.
I still know the plans I have for you, I still have the same plans I told you about years ago. I plan to prosper you, not to harm you. I still give you a Future and a Hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
I laid down my life for YOU (1 John 3:16-17). And to remind you, you are saved by grace. I didn’t save you because you have done righteous things (Titus 3:5) This is not your own doing, it is My gift (Ephesians 2:8). And that gift gives you worth. Know love Maddy, embrace that.
You are My chosen one: holy and beloved. Have compassion on your self. Be kind to yourself, speak kind words. Be very gently and be patient with yourself as you struggle, as you learn, as you grown (Colossians 3:12-14). Remember… think about things that are true, right, honorable, just, pure, lovely and admirable (Philippians 4:8-9). You are Mine forever and you are My Valuable possession.”
I love that you are here and I certainly love to hear from you. To leave a comment go HERE!
It may be clear to you now… God is doing a deep thing in me. Yes there is hurt but only for the soul purpose of coming out on the better side. Yesterday a portion of hurt was added to my life. It is interesting how one can hurt so badly, yet be very aware of God’s work and His grace.
Yesterday I knew I needed to hurt and feel every emotion that rose to the occasion. There was anger, disappointment, sadness, grief. But I also knew I would wake up in the morning and Hope would join me. Throughout the day yesterday there was never just one emotion. There wasn’t just the pain. No, I could clearly see my blessings and celebrate them. That is such a neat experience. And that is God’s grace!
There is something very beautiful to letting yourself go ‘there’. To not be afraid of pain. At times, it really is good to just be there. Period. I have had people tell me to not dwell on the past. When I have hurt, I have had people step in and tell me all the good things that lay ahead. Apart from the pain, I just don’t understand why people are so afraid of it. Why is there such a need to get away from it as soon as possible? Do people not know there is beauty in pain? That there is beauty in ashes?
Because it is in that pain that God can do amazing things. It is in that pain that God can show that He truly is God and good. It is in pain that God has a way of showing Himself. It is in pain we can show God we truly believe and follow. In pain there is true worship.
And so today I am reminded to let His love seep into the inner recesses of my being. To not close off any part of myself from Him. He knows me inside and out, so I will not try to present a ‘cleaned-up’ version of myself to Him. Wounds that I shut away from the Light of His love will fester and become wormy. So I open myself fully to His transforming Presence.
~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~
And as I hurt God tells me: ” Come to me continually. I am meant to be the Center of your consciousness, the Anchor of your soul. Your mind will wander from Me, but the question is how far you allow it to wonder.” ~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~ This tells me it is okay to hurt… it is okay to go there. But as I do this, I should not shut out God’s truth. There is never just pain.
