Jan232013

STOP!

Often I am impressed with my husband, some time in December was one of those times I was really impressed with him. Tim understands the concept of leading our family, and for now, that is me. He took the lead in something that was REALLY important. I am so grateful I married a man who listens closely to God’s heart, wisdom and ways. And when it comes to me, Tim wants to do right by me and be my helpmate. Sometimes that means taking a strong lead.

Both of our lives have changed drastically in a short period of time, but I think it is fair to say my life changed more than Tim’s life did. I moved across the ocean, I gave up family and friends, I gave up the home I loved, bought and remodeled, I gave up my production company, and thus my career, if you will. Now, I gave all this up willingly and, to be honest, it was easy to give up. Tim is God’s gift to me and everything in me knew that. There was only one way to go and that was to go west and forward. As we are working on my immigration process I am somewhat up in the air with things. I am not allowed to work and am adjusting to our new life. That is not always easy. And thus Tim prays a lot for me and is trying to figure out my needs in all of this.
The morning after God told me to ‘just walk and not talk’, Tim came downstairs and said he had been thinking and praying a lot about what’s right for me these days. I am no longer working, and according to Tim, not using my talents like I used to. Besides… I was so concentrated on him, our home and the homemaking, there had to be more. Tim had been praying and said the following: “I have made a decision about something. I love all that you do for me. You take such good care of me. Your dinners are amazing! Our home is taken care of! You are awesome! But I just really sense you need to stop some of that. So for this coming week I don’t want you to clean, cook, bake, do laundry or do any type of grocery shopping. I can do more, and I don’t need to be made into a lazy person. I will pick up some chores while you just go out and enjoy yourself. Go see Melissa, go out for walks (knowing that is what I love to do) and I think you need to start picking up your camera and start taking photos again. You do know that I love you no matter what, right? Not because of all you do.’ Little did Tim know that God had already told me to stop ‘the doing’ the day before. That I was still processing, but now for Tim to basically tell me the same thing was a hard pill to swallow. I knew he was right. He led it in such a powerful, strong and loving way that I knew he wasn’t asking. He was hearing from our Lord. And there is nothing more beautiful than to follow a husband who is not afraid to take the lead and can be trusted. And so I followed.
 
The first few days I was doing really well with it. I started to rest, and boy did I need a rest after all the doing and after all the life changing events. What a relief that he was giving me a break. But after a few days, it started to get harder and harder. I felt so guilty. How could I not do anything for us? Tim was working long, hard days in his home office, and I couldn’t stand to see him make his own lunch, tidy up the house or make sure dinner was on the table.
 
And then I had to be honest… I was not only trying to earn God’s love, I was trying to earn Tim’s love as well. Oh my, not a good thing! It felt like Tim had stripped me of everything, and yet his love was steady. A steady love I have never experienced before. So no dear one, I was not so sure of your love. I guess I did not know you’d love me even if I do nothing. I did not know that my actions do not influence your love for me. We have talked about it since and the new concept is slowly reaching my heart– I know I can trust this.
 
I am excited to grow in this area and I know this isn’t about Tim stopping me when I go overboard. This is about finding balance. It is about healing. And so I not only embrace the word LISTEN, I also embrace NOT DOING!
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Jan162013

The Word

Last year I read some blogs where some people had a word for the year.  They would pray about the word God had for them at the beginning of the new year.  A word to live out, a word that held promise, a word God had for them personally.  I thought that was pretty cool and I wanted a word.  Right away I sensed that God had the word JOY for me.  My life had been pretty tough up to that point and I didn’t really know what to do with that word.  So I just accepted the word, and even though very foreign, it held promise for me. Little did I know….

36 days later I met Tim and I knew God was doing a new thing. 2012 turned out to be all about joy.  Joy I had never known.  It was fulfillment.  Dating a true gentleman– someone who was just so very sure of me, someone caring and strong.  An engagement that was very sweet and exciting.  Planning our wedding was a super joyful experience for me.  And the outpouring of love from friends was a gift that touched the depths of my heart.  To witness true friends being extremely excited about this event in my life was such a joy.  So many people happy for me!!  So much joy!
With 2013 coming into view, I started to think about the ‘word for the year’ concept and I wondered if God had a word for me for 2013.  Right away LISTEN came to mind.  I knew what God meant by it, and I really wanted a different word.  I didn’t like this word.  But I know God has something in store with this word.  So as 2013 unfolds I am embracing this new word and wonder how it will impact me this year.  How LISTENING will impact me!
Something happened to me in December, during my morning prayer walk on our property.  As soon as I got out of the house God told me to just walk and not talk.  I love my morning prayer time.  I love to intercede and pray for friends, and especially my husband.  I see it as my job to pray for him, and I love it!  And for God to tell me to just walk and not talk was really hard.  A few weeks before, God pointed out that He wanted to love on ME as I walked.  That concept is sometimes really hard.  I grew up in a broken family and love is hard to come by in such circumstances.  I learned to earn love.  So to be quiet and not earn God’s love is hard.
It makes sense that God would give me the word LISTEN.  I think He is doing a new thing again. There is growth to gain.  To learn to ‘just be, and listen’ will not be easy, but nevertheless I am looking forward to this year because maybe I will learn more about the gift of listening.
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Jan112013

New Blog

Although this blog is new, blogging and writing is not new to me.  I am a writer, I need to write.  Sometimes I have these creative waves and it just has to get out.  I am also one that needs to process and writing is a great way for me to do that.  I love to share life in a deep and honest way.  I have always shared my life openly, in the good and in the bad.  I like to be real and I truly dislike putting on a mask and putting up a front.  To me there is also beauty in sharing the difficulties in life because I know I am not alone.  Somewhere, someone has gone through the same or something similar.  There is beauty and power in friendship, and in people coming alongside one another with encouragement.  And by sharing honestly I know people in return have opened up.  It’s good all around.

But this blog does feel a little different.  Besides my regular audience, this blog is read by a new audience, for one: Tim’s friends and family. And for the most part, Tim’s audience doesn’t really know me.  I loved meeting many of them at our wedding and look forward to getting to know everyone more in the coming months.  I can’t wait to get to know people who are dear to him.  But for now it is a little ‘scary’ to share my heart with people who do not really know my heart.

So here’s to a new chapter, in a new book. I no longer write as just me.  I am now a ‘we’.  God has brought me the answer to my heart’s desire in Tim and I can’t wait to write many more chapters together!

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Feb052012

Our story in a time line

August 14 1973 – Maddy is born in Holland and grows up there.

November 26 1977 – Tim is born in the US while his parents are on their 1st furlough; they are missionaries in Gabon, Africa. Tim grows up in the jungle of Gabon.

In Maddy’s early years her grandparents visit Opa’s best friend, his 2nd world war buddy, in the US every year and Maddy is intrigued by their stories about America. A seed is planted and Maddy decides that ‘when she grows up’ she will go to the States.
September 1983 – Tim goes to boarding school.  Down side: he is hours away from his parents. Up side: he grows up in the jungle, playing on vines, building forts in the forests, swimming in the river.
July 1987 – Tim and his family visit Amsterdam on their way home on another furlough.
September 1990  – At age 12 Tim moves to another boarding school in Cote d’Ivoire, International Christian Academy.

 

July 1992 – Tim and his family move back to live in North Carolina. Tim becomes a great soccer and basketball player.

September 1994 – Maddy finished college and is ready for her big departure to the States. Once in the States she feels at home right away, lives in the Boston area and packs up her car several times to drive across the country.
July 1996 – In his senior year Tim is picked to carry the Olympic torch down the main street of his city. The Olympic games are in Atlanta. (The torch now decorating our living room.)
September 1996:  Tim gets a scholarship for Nyack College, New York.
Summer 1998:  Tim travels to France with a short-term missions soccer team.  It is at this world cup, that Tim falls in love with Dutch national soccer team.  He still has his Dutch shirt and Dutch flag.

November 1998 – Maddy gets to know Jesus and will do nothing but follow her new friend and Heavenly Father.

January 1999 – Maddy sits next to this amazing girl in church and the two hit it off.  Melissa from Malvern PA is in college in MA.
May 1999 – Maddy is baptized and soon after senses that the Lord wants her to move back to Holland.  Maddy doesn’t want to go ‘home’ at all but knows loving God means following His plan, even if it doesn’t make sense.
New Years eve 1999 into 2000 – Maddy stands on top on the YWAM building in Amsterdam. She can hardly believe she starts this new millennium in Amsterdam.
May 2000 – Tim graduates from college.

Back in Holland Maddy misses everything about the States; her friends, her flavored coffees, sunshine, snow in the winter and so much more.  Still she knows God wants her in Holland and she builds a life.  She goes back to school, starts her own production company working for National TV and enjoys spending time with her family. In this season hardship is present but she is fighting her way up all the time. As a result she officially changes her name into: Hope.  During this time many visits back and forth to the States take place.  She makes a point to see her friends in Boston and PA at least once a year.  Whenever she is in the States she will visit her Vineyard Church in Boston and her Vineyard Church in Media PA.

May 2008 – Tim moves back to Gabon to minister to the people that he loves, the Gabonese, many of the Gabonese he knew from childhood.
January 2010 – Tim meets Joe and Joy who come to help him serve in Gabon
September 2010 – Hardship in Tim’s life and he moves back to the US.
January 2011 – Tim is asked to be the executive director of E4 Project.  He will continue to live his dream and serve the Gabonese.

January 2011 – Maddy buys a cute little white house on a dike, along the canal, looking out over wonderful Dutch country side with sheep and horses.  It’s her dream place and she is back to living close to mom.  It feels like a new start.

April 2011 – Maddy gets hired for a TV Program “Destination Unknown”.  A program that takes her all over the world.

September 2011  – Tim moves to Philadelphia, where Joe and Joy are.

January 2012 – “Destination Unknown” takes Maddy to New Jersey and Maddy decides to extend her stay with 2 weeks so she can see Melissa in PA. Of course she plans her trip so that she can have 2 Sundays in her church.

January 29 2012 – Maddy sits in church next to an amazing couple, Joe and Joy. Pastor Mark hooks them up and takes every one to lunch. They hit it off.  Also, there is this boy who is intrigued by this girl in church who he’s never seen before… he doesn’t get to talk to her though.
February 5 2012
11 am Maddy is back in church. The boy is too. They end up sitting next to one another. Joy, from the week before, introduces her best friend Tim to Maddy. They talk, and they don’t stop even as the service begins.
1 pm The pastor sees a single boy and a single girl chat and thinks it’s great to take people out to lunch, AGAIN!
3 pm Tim is intrigued, Maddy is intrigued but the lunch has come to an end, they each go their separate ways.
5 pm Maddy has Melissa’s birthday party to go to / Tim has plans for Super Bowl Sunday.
7 pm  Melissa’s birthday party comes to an early end since Melissa is given a surprise get away by her husband.  Maddy e-mails Joy that she doesn’t want to spend her last night in the States on Super Bowl Sunday alone. Can she crash her party? Joy’s plans had also changed, there was no party but she was at home and YES I should come, and Tim was there too.
11 pm Super Bowl Sunday comes to an end. Tim and Maddy leave at the same time 😉
In the parking lot Tim makes his move for he realizes this girl is getting on the plane tomorrow, it’s now or never.  They hang out in a Diner till way in the morning.
The day we met, Maddy at Melissa’s birthday party.

 

February 7 – Maddy gets home and receives an e-mail from Tim, he thinks that skype would be a great way to connect. And 30 minutes after walking in the door Maddy and Tim are on skype… and every day after that.  Longgggg skypes take place, their longest being 13 hours!

 

Looking back Maddy and Tim feel skype is the best way to date because there are no distractions of going to the movies where you don’t talk, or hanging out with friends where you do not really have one on one time.  This to them was the best way. They had long and deep conversations from the get go.

March – On his way home from Gabon Tim visits Maddy in Holland for 6 days. Since Maddy is in Bolivia herself, it is her mom who picks Tim up from the train station.
The longest stretch of not seeing one another follows… 7 weeks.
April  – Maddy visits Tim in the States for 3 weeks.
May 5  – Tim proposes.
July 7 – Engagement party in Holland.
July – Maddy finishes up her work in Holland, packs up her life and gets ready for departure…
July 27 – Maddy arrives in the States…
October 6 – Although the plan was to get married in Holland, they end up marrying in the States. Mom, oma, best friend and bridesmaid Cindy and marriage counselor Elizabeth fly over from Holland.

 

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