Aug062014

A discipline

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0700This morning I really need my time with God.  I slept little last night.  My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard.  I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright.  The day feels like a task.  There is no joy.  
 
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.)  There was an entire month I was without sleep.  Lately I get some hours here and there.  Ever been without sleep?  Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
 
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance).  The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings.  I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep.  That is why I went to the computer in the first place.  It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God.  But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline.  If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.   
 
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.“
 
It really does!  But it really is very important.  I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter.  I have taken melatonin.  I exercise.  I eat healthy.  I take other supplements.  I get counsel if I need it.  I pray.  Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before.  I sit with God.  I plead with God.  And there is nothing more I can do.  I rest my case.  And it brings me to God.  Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life.  Apparently it is not up to me to do so.  It is time to sit with God.  Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do.  And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
 
 
 
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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Aug042014

The Project Can

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0754.LThere are things in life I want.  When when I say things, I mean THINGS.  Like a coffee at Starbucks, not to mention that awesome new mug they now sell.  Like a bike.  A better tennis racket.  A coffee maker.  That awesome Nikon 85mm 1.4 lens. Cowboy boots.  Bird feeders for the yard.  A big dining room table and chairs to go with it.  I can go on and on.  
 
But we’re in the mission field… and we so clearly see what we have, and others don’t.  We see the things we want, and we see how mothers can’t feed their families, we see children running around naked because there are no clothes, we see men working their land with a spoon, a spoon people?!
 
As of now, us doing non profit work brings with it financial limitations for ourselves.  And yet Tim and I feel we are still able to buy things when we want it.  And we want to be more conscious. More conscious of our spending, more conscious of our wants, more conscious of what others do not have, more conscious how we can help out in that, and we certainly want the things we buy to be a very conscious choice.  
 
 
And so, we started our ‘Project Can’.

Ever since I got to the Sates, I have really missed having a bike.  I miss being able to jump on my bike for a errand.  I would so love for us to ride bikes together, for fun and as a way of transportation (I know, not very American like).  It was time to make it happen.  It was time to start making choices.  If we want one thing in life, we may have to pass on the other.  And that is what we did.  We decided to turn my Dutch can, given to me by my grandmother, into our ‘Bike fund’.  Every time we wanted to do something like go to a Union game, or get a Starbucks for it was convenient, or a dinner out for that matter but we decided not to do it, the money we would have spend would go into our ‘bike fund’. MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0768 It was very interesting how many things we could pass on for something better, for a bigger purpose.  We also started to sell stuff we had around the house but could do without.  I sold clothes.  And soon enough we had the money to buy our first bike.  I had the first pick.  I picked a bike that is similar to the bikes we ride in Holland, and I am trying to pimp it up with Dutch things like a bag and bell (Can someone tell me why bikes in the States do not come with a bell? Instead of a bell people yell :” On your left, on your left”.  It really does not make sense to me.)   In any case, having this bike has such worth to me for we had to save for it, we had to leave other things out for it.  We are on to saving for bike number two…

I found Sarah’s blog today.  Her family is in a 3 month trial to be intentional about their spendings, all for the goal to give away.  They feel blessed with what they have, they longed to give away but felt they could give away if they would just have a little more first.  Well the little more came, and yet their spendings stayed within the family.  Until Sarah awaked.  They are blessed with financial stability, they want to bless others with what they have been given.  Her two posts about this are awesome.  It didn’t just change her way of thinking, but even her little girls are making conscious choices.  If you feel God blessed you with much, and you want to share with those who have little, certainly go over to read her post!  It really is encouraging!

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

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Jul292014

Until they meet again

Joy comes in the morningIt may be clear to you now… God is doing a deep thing in me.  Yes there is hurt but only for the soul purpose of coming out on the better side.  Yesterday a portion of hurt was added to my life.  It is interesting how one can hurt so badly, yet be very aware of God’s work and His grace.  
 
Yesterday I knew I needed to hurt and feel every emotion that rose to the occasion.  There was anger, disappointment, sadness, grief.  But I also knew I would wake up in the morning and Hope would join me. Throughout the day yesterday there was never just one emotion.  There wasn’t just the pain.  No, I could clearly see my blessings and celebrate them.  That is such a neat experience.  And that is God’s grace!  
 
There is something very beautiful to letting yourself go ‘there’.  To not be afraid of pain.  At times, it really is good to just be there.  Period.  I have had people tell me to not dwell on the past.  When I have hurt, I have had people step in and tell me all the good things that lay ahead.  Apart from the pain, I just don’t understand why people are so afraid of it.  Why is there such a need to get away from it as soon as possible?  Do people not know there is beauty in pain?  That there is beauty in ashes?
 
MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0730Because it is in that pain that God can do amazing things.  It is in that pain that God can show that He truly is God and good. It is in pain that God has a way of showing Himself.  It is in pain we can show God we truly believe and follow.  In pain there is true worship.
 
And so today I am reminded to let His love seep into the inner recesses of my being.  To not close off any part of myself from Him.  He knows me inside and out, so I will not try to present a ‘cleaned-up’ version of myself to Him.  Wounds that I shut away from the Light of His love will fester and become wormy.  So I open myself fully to His transforming Presence.
~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~
 
And as I hurt God tells me: ” Come to me continually.  I am meant to be the Center of your consciousness, the Anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from Me, but the question is how far you allow it to wonder.”  ~ Sarah Young’s Devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ ~  This tells me it is okay to hurt… it is okay to go there.  But as I do this, I should not shut out God’s truth.  There is never just pain.
 
 
Isaiah 55:8-9 
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
 
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE ! 
 
 
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Jul272014

My cry and His answer

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0665Father, hold my hand
               stroke my head
                     kiss my cheek

 

I have been deprived peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is.  So I say “my splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”  Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him.  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seek Him, it is good to wait quietly.
Let Him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him.  Let him bury his face in the dust, there may yet be hope.  For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Thought he brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.  For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children on men.  It is not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?
~ Lamentations 3 ~

 

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0658Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven.  This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.  I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand.  But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me.  Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road.  You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven.  When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant.  I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven.
~ From the daily devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young ~

 

 

 

I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

 

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Jul252014

For years…

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0639.LFor years THIS is the day I would arrive in the Philly area.  My yearly house sitting job would start and I was always excited about it.  I remember looking forward to some hot summery weather, finally, for in Holland summer was never a sure thing. I’d have a pool for 3 whole weeks!  I remember looking forward to spending time with my dear friend Melissa.  During the year we’d spend hours and hours on Skype, finally we’d have 3 weeks in person.  I remember looking forward to 3 Sundays in church, church in Holland was never the same.  I couldn’t wait to see deer in the yard when I’d sit down with my coffee for quiet time.  And my annual trip to Amish country and my Amish friends was another highlight.  
 
Today I arrived on my house sitting job.  That has not changed. But that is the only thing that didn’t change.  Instead of an 8 hour flight… it took me 40 minutes to get here today.  And I think back… back to those years where I’d house sit. Always having a great time, but also feeling somewhat alone.  Having my quiet time on the porch and my long walks in the neighborhood talking to God were precious, but I do remember talking to God about feeling alone at times.  Would I ever be here, house sitting, with a husband?  Summer after summer I’d have that ache and I truly wondered if it would ever be given to me.
 
It’s good to look back and remember.  It is good to look back and feel, to feel those emotions of the past for it sure makes today very sweet.  This year I am house sitting for the 2nd year WITH my husband.  Last year we had a blast.  Having a constant flow of friends popping in, sharing dinners and fun in the pool.  I will still have my quiet time on that porch, I will still go on my walks taking to God… but the ache of aloness is replaced with celebration and gratefulness, for I am here with Tim. God has been good and Tim is my true gift.
 
And that is not all there is to celebrate because in 2 days there is another special date.  Two years ago, on July 27th, I arrived in the States to marry my love.  It’s another sweet date that deserves thought and gratefulness.  
 
Maybe I will write about it some other time… but I have struggled with some darkness lately and these special dates are a sweet reminder of God’s faithfulness and loving gifts to me.  God reminds me of the new name He gave me.  There is always Hope, I can always have Hope.  In these dark days God reminds me of His goodness to me, He has never failed.  He reminds me of those house sitting days when I ached.  And He shows me how different life is today.  I am married.  Melissa and I can see one another whenever we’d like and this time I was even around when she had her baby.  The church I loved for those few weeks per year I now call home.  God is good, and although life gets tough and dark… I can have hope that the darkness will come to pass, God will heal and in the mean time I look back and remember… 
 
 
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !

 

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Jun062014

Community scares me

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-Summer in KennettSo I have always had lots of friends, and I love socializing.  I love people!  But when Tim started mentioning us moving so we can be closer to friends, I wasn’t too thrilled.  
 
I LOVE where we live.  Tim had this home ready for us when we got married.  It was pretty far out from where he used to live but Tim knew what I had left behind in Holland, he wanted to give me similar characteristics.  So far out we moved so I could have some cows around, lots of green and space.  It blessed me from the get go.  When we got home after our honeymoon I started going on morning walks to be with my Heavenly Father.  I LOVED it.  It is so very peaceful and I feel blessed every time I go out.  I love the quiet crisp morning, the birds chirping, my walk starts as soon as I close the door– no need for a car to drive me anywhere, and sometimes we hear cows mooing at night.  It is perfect!
 
But it is no longer perfect for Tim.  Tim is a people’s person.  He energizes by being with people.  After we got married, not only did I leave people behind but by us moving, Tim sort of left his friends at a distance too.  After having been here for a year and a half, we realize it is just not convenient.  Most people don’t like to make the 40 minute drive to come see us, and we don’t like to always have to drive for everything either.  We would love to be more involved in church but that is hard when we are so far away.  Besides, we are ‘in the spur of the moment’ people and that doesn’t work when you live 40 minutes from your community.  Tim was starting to ache.  He missed his friends and it was starting to show.  
 
Tim was good to give me time.  Knowing I love where we live, he would just mentioned moving every now and then and it started to settle in me.  I realized that I too would benefit from moving.  And I had to be honest with myself… I wasn’t too thrilled not only because I would miss our surroundings… but because community scares me.  It was a bit of a hard awakening.
 
I realize I have never really lived in a community setting.  Growing up everything was pretty dysfunctional and I learned that I can manage on my own.  I learned it is very safe to manage on my own.  Sure I have tried the community thing but I feel God is bringing it to the next level.  I think He has great things in store when we move.  Like me learning TO DO community.  Like me learning to BE ME and seeing people will STILL love me.  Like SHARING LIFE.  Like BEING THERE FOR one another, which goes BOTH WAYS.  I think there is just a lot of healing involved for me.
 
At first my take was: we tried it my way (by living out in the middle of nowhere), now it was time to try it Tim’s way (living near friends and community).  We could test it out and see how we’d do with that.   But my heart has changed… I no longer want to try it out.  I think it will be a great next step for us.  I think this is what we need and even brings us as a couple to a next level.  I am getting excited and even anxious… LET’S MOVE!
 
 

I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE!

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