I had a ‘breakdown’ in August. I was tired. Oh so tired. And I just wanted some alone time. And with that comes the realization that what I go through, Tim goes through. And I can imagine that at times, it really isn’t easy for him. To have a wife who doesn’t sleep (it’s gotten better 😉 ), to have a wife who goes through emotional roller coasters, to have a wife who is not always physically well. And the fact that I influence Tim with my ‘things’ weighs heavy on me at times. So I didn’t just want a break for myself, I wanted a break for Tim. And we had the perfect circumstances to do just that. The day before we were to house sit I cried and I found Tim: “Would you consider having a conversation with me about maybe going our separate ways for a few days? You can maybe have the house with the pool and have fun with friends while I just rest at home?”
Tim’s response was not what I had expected at all. I had hit rock bottom and I thought he would taste my heart. I thought he would be very compassionate of me needing to just ‘be’ and rest… without it influencing him. I know he loves to go out, be with people and enjoy summer fun. I just needed to be in bed and read. I thought this was a way of taking care of both of us.
Tim was compassionate for sure, just not the way I had anticipated…
He said: “You are married now. We are married now. Living apart for a week is just not an option. It just isn’t right.”
And he gave me the greatest gift ever! He grabbed his wedding vows and started reading…
Maddy I promise to lead you, by God’s grace, providing for the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of you and our family…
“Did you hear that beautiful? I promised to take care of your emotional needs too. I can’t leave you for a week…” He continued to read:To be available to you and to be your rock, comforting you in times of sorrow and struggle…
To make you my first priority above all other things…
Maddy, I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is an effort, extending grace to you at all times, for this is how God created you to be loved.
And after that Tim said that maybe it is him who needs to learn. Maybe it is not about me trying to be better when life gets hard, maybe it is not about me being so very tired and still wanting to be a good wife and serving Tim. Maybe it is about him needing to learn how to handle it better. And I had instant relief. His faithful care for me is IMPRESSIVE. And at the same time I keep reminding him that it is okay to have faithful care for himself too. He is learning that it is okay to go hang out with people, it is okay to have fun without me. Sometimes we just need different things. And the results were amazing. We went house sitting. He played in the pool with friends. I got my rest. I was honored. And because of that I was able to hang out a lot more than I anticipated. Being full of energy and so joyous over spending time with friends. Oh what the reminder of weddings vows can do!!
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This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart. To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
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I love this. I have been spending the past year learning to love my husband in the ways he needs, not in the ways I need.
Thanks for sharing!
This made me cry, in a good way. I’m an introvert. I need those solitary moments to gather my energy, my wits, my strength. I’ve been known to just take off to be alone. And reading your words made me realize that I had the same thoughts as you. It’ll be okay to spend some time alone, apart from my future husband, when I or both of us need it. After all, it’s how I’m made, right? I’m single and I’m learning. Your husband’s words and vows to you are so beautiful, like he’s holding onto you even when you don’t want him to or gave him permission not to. That’s a reflection of God’s love. He continues to hold onto us even when we push Him away. Thank you, Maddy. Your words have blessed me today!
Oh Angela, so very sweet your words are. And thank you for the picture you painted… this is God showing us that He continues to hold us even when we push away. I love you wrote about that. So thank you right back to you!!
What a sweet man! You brought tears to my eyes. Yes, we are to take care of our spouses, however they need. That can get lost in the day-to-day.
Maddy — what a beautiful story so full of love and God and redemption. And sometimes it is God and our husbands who know best what we need. So glad you submitted to your hubby’s loving leadership. All glory to God…