Rejection, unkindness, silent treatment, rolling eyes, even nastiness… all coming at me once again. It hurts, and I have been told that because I can let it hurt me, our match was successful with boy 1. Our match will also be successful with boy 2.
But it really does hurt and it really is not an easy thing. And the next months will look just like that. But it will come to pass. Our first boy worked through it in amazing ways and we find ourselves now having fun, joking around and spending one on one time together. We long for that now.
Why are my emotions necessary? The boys need to see me connect with them even if I hurt because of them. I express my emotions healthily, they do know when I am hurt by their actions, yet I do not walk away, withdraw or get mean in return. For some reason this is intricate to their healing. Healthy, but difficult bonding!
I get through it because I have friends who will always receive my texts about the heaviness of it all, no matter how many of them. I get through it because Tim and I will take breaks. I get through it because friends will happily take our boys for a bit. I get through it because we did it once before, and we can do it again. I get through it because God is not silent.
One day, we will have two boys who are better at trusting people, one day we will have two boys who know what true love is, one day we will have two boys who will return home after college because bonding did happen. It is not too late and we pray God’s mighty power over all of us. We all need healing, we all need to trust, we all need to know love in better and true ways.
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I love your trust in God. Praying with you. Jill
One day, yes this will be history as your family grows together to a new place. And in the meantime, these days you are doing this all so very well, Maddy. So much love. Exemplary self-control. Extending grace. Living with wisdom beyond your mom years. You impress me down to my toes. Sending you love!
Beautiful words E. Thank you so much! They touch my heart!
One day Maddy, you will see that God has done abundantly more than you could ever think or imagine through this all. I love that you believe this and I pray that you will never stop believing all that God will do for your family! Love you!!! Cheryl
Thank you Cheryl!! Thanks for believing with us, and knowing. xox
God is not silent. I love that. I love you, Maddy.
Wow, lieve Maddy I am so humbled by reading this entry. I know how much it can hurt, as a matter of fact, it was one of the things that surprised me most about motherhood…how vulnerable I felt, how rejection hurts, how much work love is.. I am even more humbled by this blog, because I know part of your story. It just speaks so much about God’s goodness, about His love, about the amazing healing He has done and how He continues to do so. It challenges me to not take things for granted, to be less selfish and step out more in faith. God’s writing is all over this. You probably don’t realize it, but you are on my mind often. And I hope that one day in the (near) future we can meet face to face…till then, rest in the shadow of the Almighty.