Community scares me

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-Summer in KennettSo I have always had lots of friends, and I love socializing.  I love people!  But when Tim started mentioning us moving so we can be closer to friends, I wasn’t too thrilled.  
I LOVE where we live.  Tim had this home ready for us when we got married.  It was pretty far out from where he used to live but Tim knew what I had left behind in Holland, he wanted to give me similar characteristics.  So far out we moved so I could have some cows around, lots of green and space.  It blessed me from the get go.  When we got home after our honeymoon I started going on morning walks to be with my Heavenly Father.  I LOVED it.  It is so very peaceful and I feel blessed every time I go out.  I love the quiet crisp morning, the birds chirping, my walk starts as soon as I close the door– no need for a car to drive me anywhere, and sometimes we hear cows mooing at night.  It is perfect!
But it is no longer perfect for Tim.  Tim is a people’s person.  He energizes by being with people.  After we got married, not only did I leave people behind but by us moving, Tim sort of left his friends at a distance too.  After having been here for a year and a half, we realize it is just not convenient.  Most people don’t like to make the 40 minute drive to come see us, and we don’t like to always have to drive for everything either.  We would love to be more involved in church but that is hard when we are so far away.  Besides, we are ‘in the spur of the moment’ people and that doesn’t work when you live 40 minutes from your community.  Tim was starting to ache.  He missed his friends and it was starting to show.  
Tim was good to give me time.  Knowing I love where we live, he would just mentioned moving every now and then and it started to settle in me.  I realized that I too would benefit from moving.  And I had to be honest with myself… I wasn’t too thrilled not only because I would miss our surroundings… but because community scares me.  It was a bit of a hard awakening.
I realize I have never really lived in a community setting.  Growing up everything was pretty dysfunctional and I learned that I can manage on my own.  I learned it is very safe to manage on my own.  Sure I have tried the community thing but I feel God is bringing it to the next level.  I think He has great things in store when we move.  Like me learning TO DO community.  Like me learning to BE ME and seeing people will STILL love me.  Like SHARING LIFE.  Like BEING THERE FOR one another, which goes BOTH WAYS.  I think there is just a lot of healing involved for me.
At first my take was: we tried it my way (by living out in the middle of nowhere), now it was time to try it Tim’s way (living near friends and community).  We could test it out and see how we’d do with that.   But my heart has changed… I no longer want to try it out.  I think it will be a great next step for us.  I think this is what we need and even brings us as a couple to a next level.  I am getting excited and even anxious… LET’S MOVE!

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