Maddy I promise to lead you, by God’s grace, providing for the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of you and our family…“Did you hear that beautiful? I promised to take care of your emotional needs too. I can’t leave you for a week…” He continued to read:
To be available to you and to be your rock, comforting you in times of sorrow and struggle…
To make you my first priority above all other things…
Maddy, I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is an effort, extending grace to you at all times, for this is how God created you to be loved.And after that Tim said that maybe it is him who needs to learn. Maybe it is not about me trying to be better when life gets hard, maybe it is not about me being so very tired and still wanting to be a good wife and serving Tim. Maybe it is about him needing to learn how to handle it better. And I had instant relief. His faithful care for me is IMPRESSIVE. And at the same time I keep reminding him that it is okay to have faithful care for himself too. He is learning that it is okay to go hang out with people, it is okay to have fun without me. Sometimes we just need different things. And the results were amazing. We went house sitting. He played in the pool with friends. I got my rest. I was honored. And because of that I was able to hang out a lot more than I anticipated. Being full of energy and so joyous over spending time with friends. Oh what the reminder of weddings vows can do!!
I love that you are here and I certainly would love to hear from you. To leave a comment go HERE!
‘Engageaversary’ is what a friend of mine calls it. Anything I can celebrate I will. Today it is two years ago that Tim asked me to marry him. He had a friend of ours hiding in the bushes, taking photos as it all took place. What a fond memory and what a happy time in my life. Meeting Tim, our season of engagement, planning our wedding and our wedding day are the most dear memories of my life. Don’t get me wrong… BEING married is wonderful but I especially look back to those days with very happy and warm feelings. It was certainly my first taste of extreme joy in my life.
I love that you are here and I certainly love to here from you. To leave a comment go HERE !
When I became a wife I was super excited to finally have someone to take care of. In my single years, living with housemates, they would often say how lucky my husband would be since I loved to take care of people and things. So when I got married I was excited to do laundry, excited to cook meals, excited to keep the home cozy and nice. In that I strive to excel. Because I know it blesses my husband so much when I take care of things. He takes care of the things he said he would take care of, and I’d like to take care of mine. It’s my desire to be a blessing to my husband. Some call it old fashioned. I find true pleasure and satisfaction in it.
Somewhere down the line Tim did have to balance me a bit. I do think I strive for perfect and I have to be careful that doesn’t exhaust me. I cannot be perfect. Trying to be perfect is the wrong striving.
When I started picking up work again Tim challenged me to share some of the chores I considered mine. I disliked that idea. I still wanted to take care of things myself. I still wanted to see them as my job. But I gracefully accepted Tim’s help and we learned a new normal. For one, he started doing groceries and it was a huge relief. But I kept having the feeling that I failed. I was no longer doing what I had in mind I’d do. It was hard for me.
And then last week happened. I had much on my calendar. It’s sometimes overwhelming to work, and deal with my Holland house and other lingering things in Holland, all the while keeping our home organized and still bless the people around us with meals, home made caramel and surprise parties. Somewhere in there I also want to do things that help me relax, like going out on walks, photography or being creative in other ways. So on Monday I messed up. All these things came together and the day just wasn’t long enough. Time got away from me.
I made a point to mention to Tim about dinner plans. He had soccer at night and that means he can’t have a late or heavy dinner. So I may a point to say we’d have a late big lunch. Well, I wasn’t around for lunch time. And I got home late which even compromised dinner which put stress on both of us since we had to leave for soccer. Not a pretty picture. Though Tim isn’t demanding, he was disappointed. Since I made a point to mention the schedule for the day he was counting on me. I felt so bad. Failing the one I love feels horrible. It gets worse. Will you believe that I did the same thing the next day? Well, I totally did. We had another night of soccer, another full day for me and I totally blew it, again. I felt so bad, again. I had totally disregarded Tim and his needs over mine (work, working on a quilt, helping a friend). Me wanting to be perfect causes this all to be a big deal. It was easy for Tim to extend grace, he was quick with it too. But to extend grace to myself is really hard. I felt embarrassed.
Now I know lots of wives will tell me that this happens to them all the time, that this is pretty normal. I believe that, but I don’t want this to be my normal, and lately it becomes pretty normal for me to juggle schedule like this. More than I would like to I am working on laundry in the evenings or weekends, taking away from our time. In the beginning I had set the standard that Tim would not be bothered with or see the home chores. I would want to do my chores during working hours so that Tim would not be faced with any of it. And now in reality I am making the bed late at night, he sometimes has to grab his laundry straight from the dryer. I hate that. That will not be our normal. And as I learn to better handle my schedule I know there are lessons in all this too. First of all, I need to accept that I can’t do it all, all the time. It is wonderful I want to put my husband first. It is wonderful that I long to serve him and do him well. But I will fail. And I will need Tim’s help. And I certainly need his grace. Second, I need to embrace God’s gift. He knew I could never be perfect and He extended grace in all circumstances. Without grace I am nowhere and I need to learn to be full of grace towards myself. Neither Tim, nor God are expecting me to be perfect. Striving to be perfect is the wrong striving for it is by grace I have been saved, through faith – and this is not from myself, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that I can not boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). Without Him I can do nothing. And when I do succeed, He deserves all praise and glory!
I love that you are here and I certainly love to hear from you. To leave a comment go HERE!
Remember me writing about our Conscious Cuddles. Well, when they don’t happen I am not so well. When it doesn’t happen 3 days in a row, I start to worry… where will this lead us weeks from now? We will not be well. We need to be connected. Those are some of the worries that pop up. We cannot not connect just because life is busy. But Tim reminds me that this is just a season of something different.
I was praised today for the high standards I continue to have for our marriage but at the same time I notice I am growing and changing. I actually find there is connection in the not connecting. Okay, our conscious cuddles are not as long as in less busy times (though there are still there) but at least we agree that we need to be focused on work right now and us time will come back to us. We agree that we are okay and we will get back to one another. Just now, for the time being, work is taking up most of our conversations, and that is okay.
Photo credit: Wojtek Wolfe
I love that you are here and I certainly love your comment! To leave a comment go HERE!