It’s paying off

Some years ago I started to record things I was grateful for.  In the midst of hardship I longed to notice things around me that were good.  Apparently this was life changing for Ann Voskamp who struggled with pain from the past and depression.

I kept at it but there were seasons I put the practice down for it was not as revolutionary for me as it was for Ann.  Hardship and emotional roller coasters increased and I was really trying to notice for I did believe we always have things to be grateful for but, it did not change me.

At times it was hard to even come up with one thing but with the practice always in the back of my mind, my list got longer slowly.  And just a few weeks ago I realized out of nowhere… this practice was actually paying off.  Being in emotional pain daily, with God guiding me and Tim to embrace it for we are not the ones who will control changing the pain, all I have is little things.  And do you know how amazing it is to be so delighted, truly deeply delighted, over chirping birds, or over a warm wind touching your face, over lavender scent, over a sweet potato dish, or over dew on grass that glisters as if there were diamonds all around?  Or over noticing a whole group of birds dancing and playing right in front of your porch where you are sitting, and you have never seen birds there like that ever before?

The years, the months, the days of recording are truly touching the depths of me.  This is what Ann talked about.  In the midst of deep deep suffering, God is still showing Himself and thus we can endure.  I still am, because of this.  And even though the joy may last a second, joy was there.  These small moments make me live on, they give me energy, they encourage and show me life IS good in the bad.  It makes me small, who am I to know such gifts? I want to shout out… friends… this is such a MIRACULOUS something.  If you are in pain, no matter what kind, God transforms through the little, the truly important.

 

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2 comments on “It’s paying off

  1. Jill

    Merry Christmas to you, Tim, and family from Jill and Terry

  2. Carolyn

    I continue to keep up with your blog. Keep writing. LOVE and HUGS.

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