We wonder about it, do we feel different than other moms and dads? We wonder how that blood bond feels, the one we will never have. In our case, in my case, I don’t know what ‘blood’ really feels like but I really do think that that deep connection that comes with a blood bond is missing when it comes to us and our boys. And I feel it on mother’s day. I don’t feel connected to our boys like other moms do to their children, especially the moms who birthed their child. Now don’t get me wrong, I love these boys, but we are doing something that is not natural.
Natural would have been to conceive a child. Natural would have been to birth a son. And without that, it just feels we are doing something different. And there is lack in it. There is gift in birthing your child, a connection that we have to work hard for to get.
I know not many want to address this publicly, like I am not supposed to feel this way. But I do. And there is nothing wrong with it. It is what it is. And if anything… it helps me understand the task these 2 boys have. They are supposed to bond to us new parents. They are supposed to embrace us as their own. They are supposed to love us. They are supposed to let us love them. Something so unnatural, something that, in a way, was not supposed to happen, is happening. They were conceived by different people, and in a perfect world, they’d still be with the ones who wanted and planned for them. And so without my ‘lack’, I don’t think I would ever have been able to understand them and what is been asked of them. In a way it makes us equal.
And in it is gift… a gift that will take us many years to unwrap and discover. And in the mean time, we will love these boys with all we have, because they ARE our own. Given to us by the Almighty Who knew what He was doing. Nothing happened by accident: He chose them, He chose us, He chose to make us into this particular family unit. And bonding might take mighty work, and I might sense something is different about us. We know all things come from God and we can only pray he will perfect His plan for our little unit. And in that my prayer goes like this: “God, anchor us. Anchor us in one another.”
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