I had a ‘breakdown’ in August. I was tired. Oh so tired. And I just wanted some alone time. And with that comes the realization that what I go through, Tim goes through. And I can imagine that at times, it really isn’t easy for him. To have a wife who doesn’t sleep (it’s gotten better 😉 ), to have a wife who goes through emotional roller coasters, to have a wife who is not always physically well. And the fact that I influence Tim with my ‘things’ weighs heavy on me at times. So I didn’t just want a break for myself, I wanted a break for Tim. And we had the perfect circumstances to do just that. The day before we were to house sit I cried and I found Tim: “Would you consider having a conversation with me about maybe going our separate ways for a few days? You can maybe have the house with the pool and have fun with friends while I just rest at home?”
Tim’s response was not what I had expected at all. I had hit rock bottom and I thought he would taste my heart. I thought he would be very compassionate of me needing to just ‘be’ and rest… without it influencing him. I know he loves to go out, be with people and enjoy summer fun. I just needed to be in bed and read. I thought this was a way of taking care of both of us.
Tim was compassionate for sure, just not the way I had anticipated…
He said: “You are married now. We are married now. Living apart for a week is just not an option. It just isn’t right.”
And he gave me the greatest gift ever! He grabbed his wedding vows and started reading…
Maddy I promise to lead you, by God’s grace, providing for the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of you and our family…
“Did you hear that beautiful? I promised to take care of your emotional needs too. I can’t leave you for a week…”
He continued to read:
To be available to you and to be your rock, comforting you in times of sorrow and struggle…
To make you my first priority above all other things…
Maddy, I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is an effort, extending grace to you at all times, for this is how God created you to be loved.
And after that Tim said that maybe it is him who needs to learn. Maybe it is not about me trying to be better when life gets hard, maybe it is not about me being so very tired and still wanting to be a good wife and serving Tim. Maybe it is about him needing to learn how to handle it better.
And I had instant relief. His faithful care for me is IMPRESSIVE. And at the same time I keep reminding him that it is okay to have faithful care for himself too. He is learning that it is okay to go hang out with people, it is okay to have fun without me. Sometimes we just need different things.
And the results were amazing. We went house sitting. He played in the pool with friends. I got my rest. I was honored. And because of that I was able to hang out a lot more than I anticipated. Being full of energy and so joyous over spending time with friends.
Oh what the reminder of weddings vows can do!!
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This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart. To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !
From hopeless to hope.
From hurting to healing.
From surviving to living.
From crying to laughing.
That is my story. It wasn't easy.
The road of healing is the hardest one to choose. Sometimes it seems easier to bury or hide. But healing and recovery are possible. With God all things are possible! But it doesn't mean God does for us. It is my experience that I had to choose and work hard myself, with God on my side. God doesn't fix for me, He fixes through me. It is a painful process worth living.
The story continues.
The chapter may be closed.
The book however isn't.
I have reached the wonderful chapter of marriage.
2012 was my year. I love sharing life now and never want to forget what God has given me and done for me. Redemption is a word that was said most on our wedding day. We each have suffered much and God deserves all praise for having been faithful and leading in times of trouble. He overcame and His redemptive power is amazing and I want to witness to that. We do not live for ourselves but for Him.
Like I said, the story continues.
With it's ups and downs. Embracing that journey is what makes life life. It's not important where I go, it's how I go.
Isaiah 62: 1-5
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet, till her vindication shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord bestow. You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
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