This morning I really need my time with God. I slept little last night. My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard. I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright. The day feels like a task. There is no joy.
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.) There was an entire month I was without sleep. Lately I get some hours here and there. Ever been without sleep? Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance). The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings. I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep. That is why I went to the computer in the first place. It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God. But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline. If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.“
It really does! But it really is very important. I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter. I have taken melatonin. I exercise. I eat healthy. I take other supplements. I get counsel if I need it. I pray. Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before. I sit with God. I plead with God. And there is nothing more I can do. I rest my case. And it brings me to God. Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life. Apparently it is not up to me to do so. It is time to sit with God. Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do. And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
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This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart. To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE!
From hopeless to hope.
From hurting to healing.
From surviving to living.
From crying to laughing.
That is my story. It wasn't easy.
The road of healing is the hardest one to choose. Sometimes it seems easier to bury or hide. But healing and recovery are possible. With God all things are possible! But it doesn't mean God does for us. It is my experience that I had to choose and work hard myself, with God on my side. God doesn't fix for me, He fixes through me. It is a painful process worth living.
The story continues.
The chapter may be closed.
The book however isn't.
I have reached the wonderful chapter of marriage.
2012 was my year. I love sharing life now and never want to forget what God has given me and done for me. Redemption is a word that was said most on our wedding day. We each have suffered much and God deserves all praise for having been faithful and leading in times of trouble. He overcame and His redemptive power is amazing and I want to witness to that. We do not live for ourselves but for Him.
Like I said, the story continues.
With it's ups and downs. Embracing that journey is what makes life life. It's not important where I go, it's how I go.
Isaiah 62: 1-5
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet, till her vindication shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord bestow. You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
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