A discipline

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0700This morning I really need my time with God.  I slept little last night.  My night was filled with tormenting dreams yet again. The dreams make a whole lot of sense, I am processing emotions that are within. Getting up like this is very very hard.  I am tired, I feel exhausted and the day just doesn’t seem bright.  The day feels like a task.  There is no joy.  
I haven’t slept well for weeks on end (I should probably say months on end.)  There was an entire month I was without sleep.  Lately I get some hours here and there.  Ever been without sleep?  Well, it’ll change your outlook on life.
So I got up and decided to climb behind the computer and read some blog posts of some dear internet friends of mine (Vicky and Holley for instance).  The posts I ran into were all about making a conscious choice about focusing on beauty and blessings.  I tell you, that is HARD when you get up in the morning the way I do, with little to no sleep.  That is why I went to the computer in the first place.  It was hard to go sit on that beloved porch and seek God.  But the posts I read awakened some needed discipline.  If I want a shot at this day… it’ll start right there on that porch and no where else.   
Like Vicky wrote: “It takes effort to turn our thoughts back to blessings.
It really does!  But it really is very important.  I have done everything I can to change my sleeping problems, and other issues I am dealing with for that matter.  I have taken melatonin.  I exercise.  I eat healthy.  I take other supplements.  I get counsel if I need it.  I pray.  Tim and I battle this in prayer like never before.  I sit with God.  I plead with God.  And there is nothing more I can do.  I rest my case.  And it brings me to God.  Apparently I can’t change this problem in my life.  Apparently it is not up to me to do so.  It is time to sit with God.  Plain and simple but oh so very hard to do.  And so when it is dark, when joy is no where to be found, when I am just really begging God to take of the oppression off of me… I need to look at other things. Not at my current status but at the past and where I have come from, I need to look at the future and see all that God can do, and I AM in the now, I see the beauty and I count my blessings.
I love that you are here, and I certainly would love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE !
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE !

8 comments on “A discipline

  1. Debi Murray

    Hi Maddy! This is my first visit to your blog as I had posted a link right after yours on encourage. I was surprised to read your post about trouble sleeping bc I deal with that issue as well; however, not quite to your extent. I know you’ve tried it all, but the august 5th post in Jesus Calling mentions stilling your mind like a pool of water. That sure hit home with me – great visual – easy to say but hard to do! Praying for victory over sleeplessness for you!

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Thank you Debi!! I will go check out that post for sure. I am always open to what others have tried. Thanks for stopping by! Love your way…

  2. Valerie Sisco at Grace with Silk

    Maddy Christine,
    Praying for you! Not being able to sleep sounds so discouraging but I know that God’s presence is with you in the midst of this time. Hoping it will be temporary and soon you will find the rest you need!

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Valerie, thank you for your prayers!! And yes, my rescue is that God is with me in all this.

  3. sarahgirl3

    Not sleeping certainly changes your outlook. I pray you will get the peace and rest you need!

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Thank you Sarah. The past two night have not been good again. It’s good that I am in my weeks off. I try not to panic and just take it easy during the day… pressing into God. Thanks for your prayers!

  4. janene

    Sorry to read about your sleeping problem. I understand your fight with trying to turn from no joy to joy. The other morning I went through all the bible verses on joy and it started to help. I pray God will hear your cry and you will sleep like a baby.

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Today is another day Janene, where I press into thanksgiving. I didn’t sleep well last night. I will try the medicine of thanksgiving 😉 Thanks for being here!