This is exactly what I feared

MaddyChristine Hope Photography-0756It was hard getting home.  Tim and I had such a good month away that I was sad to go home, and once home I was even sad to be home.  I needed time to adjust.  
It was interesting to see that in Burkina none of our concerns from home mattered.  There are certain things we’ve been focusing on lately, even to the point it consumed me.  When away the past month we spoke about all those things and how it all seemed irrelevant in light of what we were doing in Burkina.  How would we respond when we got back?  Would we just be consumed over those ‘things’ again?  It’s certainly not what we wanted.  
I don’t want to be consumed by anything but with the matters of the Lord.  I have written before about heart’s desires going unanswered.  In Burkina it didn’t matter.  Tim and I have been consumed by wanting to move.  We live too far from community and church and it is bothering us, it aches.  In Burkina it didn’t matter.  I desired to go home with a new passion… focusing on the things that truly matter and on things that are way more important than my ‘things’.   
And yet, what I feared is happening.  I am getting consumed by the things here.  The old things pop back up and seem to matter.  And it saddens me.  There are better things to be consumed by, like focusing on making this world a better place, wherever, however, but that has got to be my focus.  I have lived a past and God has used it to write a story of redemption through my life.  Sharing that has got to matter.  Seeing need all around me, that has got to matter.
The first morning home I couldn’t wait to sit down with God and just be.  He showed up as such a loving Father.  Guess what He told me?  He told me that ‘my things’ matter to Him!  The things I get consumed by are obviously important to me, and so they are important to Him.  That was a beautiful first awaking.
God said something else, something He’s been saying to me before.  He said: “Don’t pray, let me do!”  Sounds familiar?  He said: “Don’t worry about being back, don’t fear it.  Don’t think about moving, about ministry, about what you will do.  Just let me be!  BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.”
I desire to live a life of sacrifice.  I do pray, but I try not to be consumed.  I try to pray and just see what happens next.  My prayer sounds like this: “God, open my eyes to what You want me to see.”  I can desire many things, but I cannot make anything happen.  I want to acknowledge where God is at work, and I desire to join Him.  How, where… only God can work out those details.  It is not good to be consumed.  It is best to be still and know that God is God.  
I love that you are here and I certainly love to hear from you.  To leave a comment go HERE!
This was also shared at Holley’s Coffee For Your Heart.  To read more personal stories or get encouraged, go HERE

4 comments on “This is exactly what I feared

  1. Jill

    Thank you, Maddy, for sharing your blog with me. Thank you for the chocolate from Holland (that took one day to be eaten by us). 🙂

  2. Sybil Brun

    So glad you were blessed by your time in Burkina, Maddy! Praise the Lord, He has used our pasts to write a story of redemption through our lives! Blessings, sweet sister!

    1. MaddyChristine Hope Brokopp

      Thanks so much Sybil. …and I am ready to connect. Let me know what suits you.

  3. holleygerth

    So grateful for you, friend! XO