We all know it… the lies we tell ourselves. And at the moment I am going through a bad case of it. Lately I have been very aware when I’d tell myself negative things. I just kept witnessing it… till Thursday. I was out on a walk and said to myself: “Maddy, this is not normal anymore. This is unhealthy. This is wrong and this is not what God would ever tell you. He created you and thinks beautiful and amazing things about you.” And it wasn’t till Friday, when I met with my Spiritual Director again, that I realized I actually have to take action.
I hear lies all day long, in all situations, with all different kinds of people. It is ongoing throughout the day. I remember my therapist years ago tell me that they are not just lies in my head… I am telling myself those things! And so it is up to me to battle this, a battle I don’t have to face alone. Thank God!
I can be hanging out with dear friends and tell myself I do not compare. When people around me have intellectual conversations, I tell myself I am dumb and can’t entertain the conversation. My camera has been living more in the camera bag than in my hands because I tell myself I am really bad at taking photos. When friends do not call me it is a confirmation that I really do not matter. When I set a much needed boundary for myself I tell myself I am a selfish person. When I get excited I tell myself I am too loud, too present and no one likes that about me. I constantly tell myself I am not a good wife, I don’t love my husband well and life for him is harder with me in it. I can go on and on. It’s bad!
This is not an easy thing to battle, it’s also not done overnight. I have battled those things previously in my life and I am sad they are back. One thing I know, the enemy has a grip on me.
God was good last week as I tried to sit with Him and have a sweet time. He said some things:
“ MaddyChristine, I have given you worth. See, it’s that simple, you have worth because I created you. You have worth because I created you in a very specific way. When I look at you, I am filled with joy. I delight in you and I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I love you as you are. Before I formed you, I knew you (Jeremiah 1:5). I wove you in your mother’s womb, you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139: 13-14). My works are wonderful Maddy.
I still know the plans I have for you, I still have the same plans I told you about years ago. I plan to prosper you, not to harm you. I still give you a Future and a Hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
I laid down my life for YOU (1 John 3:16-17). And to remind you, you are saved by grace. I didn’t save you because you have done righteous things (Titus 3:5) This is not your own doing, it is My gift (Ephesians 2:8). And that gift gives you worth. Know love Maddy, embrace that.
You are My chosen one: holy and beloved. Have compassion on your self. Be kind to yourself, speak kind words. Be very gently and be patient with yourself as you struggle, as you learn, as you grown (Colossians 3:12-14). Remember… think about things that are true, right, honorable, just, pure, lovely and admirable (Philippians 4:8-9). You are Mine forever and you are My Valuable possession.”
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